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Pondering Permissiveness and Attitudes toward Premarital Sex in the Church. What the Data Shows.

I have already mentioned the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA) that collects and reports a good deal of data about the Church. Combing through the data I came across a surprising report on the attitudes of Catholics regarding premarital sex. I knew we had a lot of re-catechizing and re-evangelizing to do on this topic but until now I didn’t have a lot of clear numbers on Catholic attitudes about pre-marital sex (fornication). But this study from CARA provides some pretty basic and startling numbers that show just how much work we have to do. Let’s look at the data.

The Table at the left depicts Responses over the years to the following question: “If a man and a woman have sexual relations before marriage, do you think it is always wrong?”  You can click on the chart to make it bigger and clearer. Now it can be seen by the trend lines that the numbers are going in the undesirable  direction. In 1972, 39% of adult Catholics responded that premarital sex was  “always wrong.” Among Catholics attending Mass at least once a week, 54% responded as such that year. In the most recent survey, conducted in 2008, only 14% of Catholics responded that premarital sex is “always wrong.”  Among Catholics attending Mass at least once a week, 30% responded as such.

In other words, more than 70% of Church-going Catholics do not hold or agree to the teaching the Church and Scripture that premarital sex (fornication) is always wrong.  Among Catholics who do not  go to Mass the number is even higher at 86%.

I knew it was bad, I did not know it was this bad. We have a lot of work to do.

But here is what is even more surprising. The Protestant numbers are much higher than the Catholic ones. Again, lets look at the data. The table at the right depicts the Protestant answers to the same question: “If a man and a woman have sexual relations before marriage, do you think it is always wrong?” You can click on the chart to make it bigger and clearer. For Church-going Protestants, the number of those who agree with the Biblical teaching on premarital sex is between 53 and 62%. For non-Church going Protestants the numbers are between 30 and 40%. You will note too that the trend lines on this graph are going in the right direction, upward toward  greater Biblical fidelity. I suspect that the polling was done more heavily in the Evangelical and Fundamentalist segments of Protestantism since I doubt the numbers would be as high in the liberal or mainline Protestant branches.

So it is clear that we have a lot of work to do in our Catholic parishes to re-evangelize the faithful on this important moral topic. It is important not only because sexuality is important, but it is also important because many young people make important and life-changing decisions around this matter. Sexually transmitted diseases are spread and many of them are becoming resistant to antibiotics. Surprise pregnancies often lead to abortion. And college and career can be adversely affected by those who, thankfully, do not abort. Hence this is an important topic to teach and to insist upon.

I know by personal experience that we have done a minimal and poor job of teaching on this matter in the Church. When I was growing up in the 1960s and 70s we got little or nothing in Sunday School in terms of instruction about sexual morality Most of us had some awareness that there were teachings against premarital sex but why it was considered wrong was vague to us. We just sort of figured the Church had “hang-ups” and was in general “hopelessly out of date.” Our parents too were from a different, more repressed time, so what did they really know?  Or so we thought. The generation of the 1960s just before us had blown the roof off everything. They were hip and free. Most of us took our clues from them. After all, when you’re a teenager, you usually look for the more permissive opinions.

Through most of the sexual revolution the Church, at least at the the parish level,  was silent.  I really regret that no one ever took the Scriptures and read me what God had written. I figured there was nothing wrong with premarital sex since God had only said not to commit adultery. I wasn’t married and so couldn’t break that rule, or so I wrongly thought. I just figured the prohibitions against premarital sex were hang ups of adults and clergy. But that God had something to say directly to me was never shown me. I think it would have made a real difference in my attitude had I seen premarital sex forbidden by God, right there in black and white, in the Bible. But it was not until years later, in the seminary, that I was finally shown such texts.

I would like to exhort teenagers and young adults to be familiar with what God teaches about pre-marital sex(or fornication, as the Bible calls it). I would also like to admonish adults who are parents to be sure to teach their children what the Scriptures say about sex and sexuality.  To that end, I have a attached a PDF document (see below) which summarizes about a dozen New Testament texts wherein God speaks clearly to the questions of sexual morality, in particular pre-marital sex. As I have noted, the Biblical word “fornication” is the word that corresponds to what we call today “premarital sex.” Hence, “Fornicator” means one one engages in premarital sex. There are a very few places in the Scriptures where the word fornication (in Greek Porneia) is understood to mean sexual misconduct in general. But usually fornication simply means premarital sex since there are other terms for adultery (moichao);  and homosexual acts (arsenkoites). The passages in the PDF document all treat of fornication (premarital sex) and in each case God spells out very clearly that God it is wrong and a serious sin. Please share these texts:

PDF DOCUMENT ON BIBLICAL TEXTS ON FORNICATION OTHER SEXUAL MATTERS

We can turn the poor numbers back, I am convinced, if we teach right out of God’s Word. I suspect this is why the Protestant numbers are better than our. Please review and share these texts.

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When God Says "No"

It is common for all of us to have to struggle as to the great mystery of God’s providence and will. If it is not our own struggle then we must often commiserate with others who are in distress. One person is losing her young daughter to cancer, a friend is struggling to find work, still another has a husband who is drinking. Some will say to me, “I’ve been praying, Father. Nothing seems to happen.”  I am not always sure what to say and God doesn’t often explain why we must suffer, or why he delays, or why he says, “No.”

Just think of how he answered Job. Job wanted answers as to why he was suffering. And God spoke from the whirlwind and upbraided Job with provocative questions meant to humble him. But in the end he gave him no real answer. He DID restore Job though. And somehow in the midst of God’s mysterious ways we DO have to remember that if we are faithful God is going to more than restore us one day. But in the midst of trials, future restoration seems pretty theoretical.

So, often in the midst of trials, the best we can do is to be still. To breathe, to sigh and yearn, and to weep with those who weep.  Scripture says, The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD (Lam 3:25).

Scripture does give some answers as to God’s delay and to his “No.” And while these explanations may not always emotionally satisfy us, they do provide a teaching which can ultimately assist us in not allowing our sorrow, anger or disappointment to interact with our pride and lead us away from faith. Let’s look at a few of these explanations as to God’s “No” and his delay. Some of these explanations pertain to God and some to us.  I place the word “sometimes” before most of these since they do not all apply to all of us, all the time.

1. Sometimes, “No”  is the Best Answer –  We often think we know what is best for us. We want to have this job, or we want that person to fall in love and marry us. We want to be delivered from a certain illness or receive a financial blessing. We see these as good outcomes and are sure that God must also see them this way. But God may not, in fact agree with our assessment as to what is best for us. And thus his “No” is really the best answer to our prayers.

For example we may always prefer that God answer our prayer that none of our children be born with any disabilities. But God may see that the experience of disability may be just the thing that we or the child may need in order to be  saved ultimately. St. Paul prayed for deliverance from some sort of physical affliction: Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me,  “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:7-10).

The fact is, we really don’t know what is best for us or for someone else. We may think we know, but we do not. God’s “No” to Paul helped to save him for it helped him better understand the power of the cross in his life and how we must learn to depend on God. So too for us. We may prefer certain outcomes, but God alone really knows if our preference is truly good for us or just apparently good.

2. God is love – Many confuse love with kindness. Kindness is a common attribute of love but it is not the same as love. Any parent knows that they must often times discipline their children, and that it is the loving thing to do. A parent who is always kind and never punishes, spoils that child and does not exhibit true love. Parents will sometimes inflict pain on a child by limiting their freedom and insisting that they do what is right. They will bring an unwilling child to the doctor for shots, they will insist that they finish their homework before play. They may give a firm “no” to certain requests that they know are harmful or interfere with greater duties. Kindness always wants to say yes, but love sometimes says no and even inflicts hardships where necessary.

God is a Father. Kindness has its place but love is more essential for us than mere kindness which is but an attribute of love. Scripture says, My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son….God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:5-6, 11).  And Again: Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus….Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this (2 Tim 2:3,7)

3. Sometimes our request cannot be affirmed without violating another’s freedom– It is a common thing that we may pray for the conversion of another person. Or we may pray that they make some decision that we prefer. God is all powerful and could force outcomes, but this would violate the freedom of others to truly decide. If freedom is contingent upon God’s whim then it is not really freedom. God can exhort through his Church and the Scriptures. He can send special graces to be of influence, but in the end, we are free and he will not generally force an individual to choose what we want or ask in prayer. The scriptures affirm our freedom. For example: There are set before you fire and water; to which ever you choose, stretch forth your hand. Before man are life and death, which ever he chooses shall be given him (Sirach 15:16-17).

4. Sometimes our request cannot be granted due to the harm it might cause to others– We can sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that we are the most important things on God’s agenda. We want a sunny day for our picnic but the farmers are in desperate need of rain. Whose need is more important? It would seem that the farmers might be a bit higher on God’s list than my picnic, however, even this, I leave up to God.

The prophet Jonah went reluctantly to the Ninevites to preach. And he didn’t want them to be converted. He want them to refuse repentance and be destroyed within 40 days. He had good reasons to want this. The Ninevites (Assyrians) were amassing an army that was a great threat to Israel and if they were destroyed Israel would be spared any further threat. But the Ninevites DID repent. And Jonah was sullen and bitter. God rebuked him with these words: Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?(Jonah 4:9) We may not be praying for another’s harm but it may sometimes be the case that what we ask for would adversely affect others.

5. Sometimes our faith is not strong enough – Jesus said: “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22) And the Book of James says, But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; (James 1:6-7)  There is also the sad fact of Nazareth where the Lord could work few miracles so much did their lack of faith disturb him (Matt 13:58)

6. Sometimes we ask for improper things or with wrong motives – The Book of James says : “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures”

7. Sometimes unrepented sin sets up a barrier between us and God so that our prayer is blocked –  “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities (sins) have separated you from God; your sins have hidden his face from you so that He will not hear” (Isaiah 59:1-2).

8. Sometimes we have not been generous with the requests and needs of others – “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13)

9. Sometimes God cannot trust us with blessings for we are not conformed to his word or trustworthy with lesser things – If you remain in me and my word remains in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you” (John 15:7) and Again: So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own? (Lk 16:11-12)

 In this video a pastor and his cat explain suffering and the mind of God.

This Song says that some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
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The Rosary-a tool for evangelization

The Rosary and other religious symbols worn as jewelry  or tattoos are getting a lot of attention these days. In a recent blog post in the Washington Post, the author opined that this  is part of a growing movement of separating the spiritual from the religious. Religious jewelry “caters to people who are expressing their personal spirituality rather than an affiliation with organized religion.”

Putting my jewelry to work

I am someone who owns a rosary bracelet, that though it can easily be mistaken for a silver beaded bracelet, is for me, my traveling rosary, always within easy reach if the opportunity to steal a few minutes of prayer presents itself.

For a recent talk that I was giving, I re-read Pope John Paul II’s Apostolic Letter, The Most Holy Rosary. I had forgotten how beautiful it is. I recommend you celebrate today’s feast of the rosary by reading it!  The Pope speaks about how in the rosary we learn Christ through Mary. We don’t just learn about Christ, we learn Christ.  “The Rosary is also a path of proclamation and increasing knowledge, in which the mystery of Christ is presented again and again at different levels of the Christian experience. Its form is that of a prayerful and contemplative presentation, capable of forming Christians according to the heart of Christ. When the recitation of the Rosary combines all the elements needed for an effective meditation, especially in its communal celebration in parishes and shrines, it can present a significant catechetical opportunity …. In this way too Our Lady of the Rosary continues her work of proclaiming Christ.

This Saturday, October 10 at 2:30 p.m., the archdiocese hosts its annual pilgrimage to the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. We make a pilgrimage to “Mary’s House” to ask her intercession on our behalf for a particular intention that is on the heart and in the mind of the church at this time.

Mother of the Church and Mother of Families

As part of our commitment to the New Evangelization, we will ask Mary, Mother of the Church to pray with us that our work will bear fruit in our parishes. As Mother of Families, we ask her to join with us in our pray for the people we love most who are inactive in the practice of their faith or alienated from the church. We will ask Mary, to intercede with her son, Jesus, to give us courage to speak about our faith and to be bold in inviting family, friends, co-workers and neighbors to take a second look at the church– to come home– and join their church family.

The right first step

Do you have someone in mind whom you would love to invite to join you at church or with whom you would like to have a serious conversation about their faith or their participation in the life of the church? Are you wondering how to begin a conversation? Do you need a little more courage to be bold? Why not make the commitment to join us for the rosary and for Mass? Make this your first step –to pray on behalf of the person– and to entrust the person to Mary’s care.

A tool for the Evangelizer

 Pope John Paul II writes “The history of the Rosary shows how this prayer was used in particular by the Dominicans at a difficult time for the Church due to the spread of heresy. Today we are facing new challenges. Why should we not once more have recourse to the Rosary, with the same faith as those who have gone before us? The Rosary retains all its power and continues to be a valuable pastoral resource for every good evangelizer.”

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Angels as Evangelizers

Today, we celebrate the feast of the Guardian Angels. It would be hard to improve on Msgr. Pope’s excellent blog last week. So, rather than do that, I’d like to propose that we can learn something about evangelization from the angels. After all, one of the primary missions of angels is to announce good news. Dr. Jem Sullivan in a recent talk at the John Paul II Cultural Center, suggested that angels show us how our lives can radiate the message and truth of the Gospel.

Pope Benedict also pointed to the enduring presence of angels in his address to public officials at Westminster Hall when he pointed to the painting on the ceiling of the hall and said “The angels looking down on us from the magnificent ceiling of this ancient hall remind us of the long tradition from which British Parliamentary democracy has evolved. They remind us that God is constantly watching over us to guide and protect us. And they summon us to acknowledge the vital contribution that religious belief has made and can continue to make to the life of the nation.”

It seems fitting today to thank God for the gift of our guardian angel and to thank our guardian angel for staying so close to God and to us.

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What I Ask of Science

We live in a time when science is exulted. But the problem with science is that it is only able to deal with the material and the measurable. Hence to exalt science to the exclusion of other ways of knowing is to take the partial and declare it to be the whole.

Yet it is demonstrable that there are many things that are real yet not physical, not material, not measurable. Love is real, hate is real. They are not physical, measurable entities, though we can see their effects. Concepts such as justice, happiness and the like are not material or real though it is clear enough that they exist and that we can see their effects. They cannot be placed in a test tube or weighed on a scale, not matter how sensitive the scale. They are simply beyond what science is equipped to address.

So too with faith and with God. Many dismiss the claims of faith that God exists. This is done because there is no “proof” for it. By “proof” is usually meant scientific evidence and physical, measurable things. But, as already discussed, not all reality  falls into this realm of the physical and measurable. What faith claims is, that God exists, but not that he would tip the scales in some laboratory. There is more to life and reality than what physical science can measure.

That God exists is beyond the realm of science which deals only with the physically observable and measurable. We cannot see him though I would assert we can experience the effects of God’s existence. These effects manifest themselves in the careful order of the world, in the evident design we see about us. For example, we live a world wherein things tend to fall apart and return to their basic components unless acted upon by an outside energy. Consider for example how a corpse does this, or an abandoned house. And yet when we look at creation we see a kind of reverse process as well where simple things become more complex and build up in an orderly sort of way. We rightly conclude that they are being acted upon by some outside force of intelligence and reason. This force cannot be measured in a test tube but its effects are observable.

I accept that this alone does not prove the Christian God, only an outside force. I do not expect science to conclude that God exists, only that there is order observable in the universe otherwise prone to entropy and chaos.

I only ask – Proving God is beyond the realm  and capacity of science. I only ask this, that science and scientists limit themselves to scientific pronouncements and resist the urge to go beyond science by declaring that there is no God. They cannot say this by science. To say there is no God is not a scientific statement, it is a philosophical and theological one. Some scientists have strayed  from their field making such claims. Even more commonly, many fans of science, often try invoke science for their atheist claims. But science cannot be enlisted in this way. All that can be asserted  is that science cannot prove by its own methods that God exists. The partial is not the whole and all knowledge cannot be reduced to physical science. All the scientist can or need say is that existence of God is not our call to make. It is beyond the realm of science, beyond the measurable or visible. There are many such things beyond the realm of science and all I ask is that science, and fans of science,  accept its limitations and not make claims that science cannot make.

This song says, “There’s more to life than just what I can see. ”

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Catholicism is fun

My wife is very much a fan of everything horses. So last weekend, we went to see part of the World Equestrian Games in the horse capital of the world, Lexington, Kentucky. Being a “Horse Capital” Lexington is covered with horse statues decorated with various themes and motifs. It reminded me of the panda bears that dotted Washington a few years ago.

“The Run for the Rosaries”

On Saturday evening on our way out of church, we discovered a horse whose motif was a play on the nickname for the Kentucky Derby. Instead of the “Run for the Roses” this horse was entitled “The Run for the Rosaries.” As you can see from the picture, the horse is decorated with Marian symbols and has an actual rosary painted around its torso. After having seen so many of these horses during the day, this one caught our attention, made us laugh and turned us into obvious picture-taking tourists.

Catholicism is fun

We were so animated in our amusement that two parishioners easily tagged us as tourists.   They were equally amused at our reaction to the artwork. They eagerly explained the history of the painted horses in Lexington and the history of the horse we were admiring. Additionally, they readily admitted that they walk by the horse every week but never really appreciated it. We laughed about the horse and about the pride it showed in our faith as well as their town. In the middle of our conversation one of the two parishioners exclaimed, “You know, Catholicism is a lot of fun, isn’t it?”

If you are Catholic, have a little fun today

I can’t remember that last time I have heard someone describe Catholicism as “fun.” I have heard it described as fulfilling, enduring, influential, essential and even complicated – but fun?
In front of a Catholic Church is Lexington, Kentucky, four Catholics from different parts of the country discovered that Catholicism is indeed fun. This equestrian tribute to Our Lady and her Rosary is a reminder that our faith can bring laughter and joy as readily as it can bring comfort and security.

I pray that you have fun being a Catholic today. My wife and I sure did last week in Kentucky!

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Could this be the start of something?

Last week I wrote about people in the archdiocese putting evangelization into practice by making the sign of the cross and praying grace in public places. Of course, this is not something new. In this painting, the great early 15th century English mystic, Julian of Norwich, is making the sign of the cross as she blesses a person seeking her prayer.

Yesterday and Today

A fellow Brit, Archbishop Vincent Nichols, following in Julian’s footsteps and seeking to make more ermanent some of the graces of the Holy Father’s visit is asking Catholics to  bless themselves openly with the sign of the cross, to offer to pray for people and to make such remarks to people as “God bless you,” as a way to make one’s faith more visible in daily life.  It seems that the New Evanglization is finding a place on both sides of the pond!