Recently, I was serving Mass with a good priest friend of mine at a parish in Baltimore. During the Mass, a small toddler got restless, starting crying and every few moments, the baby would let out a piercing scream. The poor parents of this child were trying in vain to quiet the child. They pulled out toys, passed the boy back and forth, hugged him and rocked him, all to no avail. Now, the parents did not take the child out of the Church because the father was being received into the faith and needed to be present during the Rite of Acceptance. Nonetheless, I must admit, one part of me was annoyed because I found it hard to concentrate.
Should I really be annoyed or thankful?
Sitting on the altar, I noticed others in the congregation getting annoyed as well. Well, right when we could not stand it any more, right when the mother and father were about to surrender and leave the Church, my friend the celebrant, said to the parents, “Don’t worry about the crying child. All of that crying just means that the Catholic Church has a future.” He went on to say to the rest of us, “If you go into a church that does not have a crying baby, that church is in trouble. It has no future. So, let us thank God for crying babies.”
Cries of joy
That simple statement changed my mentality as well as that of most of the congregation. I still think the parents of an older child who should be disciplined may still rightfully garner a few scorns. But an infant whose parents are trying the raise the child in the faith deserve a bit more sympathy. So, next time you find yourself annoyed and distracted by a crying baby, thank God; the future of the church is being secured.
I will share more “less-than-obvious” reasons to thank God in the coming days.
Many years ago when I was just in high school I was attending Mass. The servers had forgotten to light the candles. So, after the homily and prayers when we were all seated, the priest asked the altar boys to light the candles. as they came out to light the candles in the silent church a little child began to sing: “Happy Birthday to you….” Ex ore infantium
From this mother of six who are now past the crying years, I think your friends response was perfect. When I hear a little one fussing during Mass, I don’t get annoyed, I smile. I hope to convey to the parent trying to deal withit that, “This too shall pass,” and before they know what happened, that little fussing bundle will be too big to sit on their laps, won’t be saying, “I want Mommy!” and it will take more than cookies to make all things better.
Parents with kids who refuse to be quiet should also remember, there’s great stuff at the back of the church too. Often, parents with younger children sit in the gathering space in our church during Mass. The gathering space there is usually filled with kids who are dancing, singing and the sign of peace is always pretty enthusiastic back there.
Mindy, thank you for your comment. If there is an alternative available that will allow you to participate in the Mass without disturbing others, you should take advantage.
I have great anticipation in attending Sunday Mass and enter the church a half hour before Mass starts. I enjoy the silence of the church and I arrive early to pray and prepare for the Mass service and Holy Communion. I also want to prepare myself to better focus on the upcoming Mass as it can be difficult at times to keep my concentration. One of the reasons is crying babies. I am a grandparent and are very tolerant and understanding of infants crying …outside of the church service. Why should parishioners be interrupted in their prayer service by parents refusing to move to the back of the church,outside,vestibule or the closed area set aside for parents and their babies. Can any one adequately pray or concentrate during the Mass with some child crying in their ear? I understand a parent(s) wanting to stay with their family and not missing parts of the Mass. But…please have consideration for the other people around you also being involved in the Mass.
I agree. I was less annoyed because the parents in my example were trying to quiet the child. Also, I think they would have left if it wasn’t such an important day for the father.
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What is often overlooked is that parents expect others to delight in how cleverly their children from birth to adolescence scream in rage, punch each other, howl, kick the pews, crawl on the floor or pews (surely a 10 year old doesn’t do this at home?), eat snacks nonstop — before going up to Communion, etc. Often, if the parent is actually paying attention to the Mass, the child will pull & tear at mommy, demanding attention be given only to the child.
Is this healthy behavior?
Kate,
The parent you describe are simply not disciplining their children. You won’t find any defense of those types from me.
It was the sabbath and the Rabbi was urging the faithful to pray that Heaven may open and God’s grace fall on them. They prayed earnestly for quite a while. They looked up. Nothing had happened. Heaven was firmly closed.
The Rabbi urged them on some more. They prayed with renewed vigour for quite a while. They looked up again. Nothing – Heaven was still firmly closed.
They all resolved to keep trying all day, if necessary.
Eventually, a small child at the back became bored and would not be consoled by his mother and so let out a yell.
Heaven opened.
God’s Grace poured out and fell on them.
SHOULD YOU BE ANNOYED OR THANKFUL? My answer would be yes (situational) and yes. As someone that has been there and done that, my kids are 25ys, 17yrs, and now by the grace of God a 15 months old. Ahhh! It is so nice when they are all grown up. No more crying in church. Maybe a little reminder here and there to sit up straight, and no leaning back on the pew while we are kneeling was what I had to contend with. I’m back to the drawing board. I’m back to perspiring a lot more in church. Not really paying attention, and becoming more anxious. Tried the cry room. Ya’ll, I’m sorry, they are just not the same as being out in the congregration. I understand. Yes, I do get annoyed at crying kids too. More so with disobedient children and disrespecful kids. But, I truly want to sit in the pews with my whole family. We do sit at the back for now. I will say, parents with kids that are crying, believe me I know you are stressed out, you should give yourself a time limit. If your kid is not going to be quiet and a short timely manner, you do need to move. What is annoying to me is not the child, but the parent who will let the child keep being disruptive. I know you don’t want to, but you need to remove yourself, until the child is calm. And as the article states we do need to be thankful for God’s little children and our church’s future.
Shelly B,
I think you are right. To be annoyed or thankful is situational. When kids are being kids, that is OK. But when parents are NOT being parents, I will remain annoyed.
When my eldest daughter was an infant, she once threw a terribly loud fit at mass. My wife took her out to the vestibule, but she was still too loud. Finally she left the church and stood out with her by the street. My daughter could still be heard in the church.
After mass, the celebrant was greeting people in the back of the church as the left. Somone complained to him about the noise of our child. The priest simply told this person not to worry. “that is what your prayers sound like to God,” he said.
That is a neat response! (That is what your prayers sound like to God)…and it often feels like that too, from our point of view, right?!
Ben,
It sounds like you were trying to do the right thing. I am glad the priest defended you.
As in many things, balance is needed. We parents must be diligent in training our children to behave properly at Holy Mass. This often means avoiding those places set aside for families when they become playrooms for children instead of a place to quiet a child for a few moments or for a nursing mom to gain some privacy. Others in the congregation must be tolerant of some noise…it takes a few seconds to remove the crying child. All in all, the statement the priest made in this story is correct…no kids, no future for the priesthood or the Church.
When my son was young, we attended a church that the pastor had deliberately built without a cry room because he did not feel children belonged in church. I believed in worshiping as a family. my son was fussy one day and the pastor stopped his homily and told the congregation that he was not going to continue unless I left. We left and joined a new parish. Sometimes the clergy needs to be conscious of who they alienate.
I wish my priest would ask parents to use our cryroom. We have a brand new church with a beautiful quieting room. But, instead of using it, parents let their children disrupt everyone else in church by playing with toys and drinking from sippy cups that talk when the kid drinks from them. HELP!
Mark 10 13-15: 13People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Amen.
What a coincidence. In some corner of Uganda, this last Sunday (22nd Nov), I was right in the middle of my homily and a child started screaming uncontrollably. Sure it disorients, and I could also see the discomfort among the congregation. It made a huge difference when I remarked that here is a message for all of us that children too belong to the church and to the Kingdom of God. And I added: here are parents who know where their children should be on a Sunday morning; others in this Church might not even have a clue where their children as we speak… – and what a difference it made to the mood in the Church. This is the Catholic church indeed: Be happy
I was so lucky! My parents did not take me to Mass until I was five. We the kids stayed with grandma while mom and dad went to Mass. Grandma read the stories from the bible to us every Sunday morning. When my oldest brother started going to Mass I begged my parents to take me also. Can you imagine a kid begging to go to Mass! By then I knew the stories, I knew there was a connection to the scriptures to be found. And I had to catch up to my brother.
Thank you Lord for fraternal rivalry!
In reading this post and the responses, I was reminded of a paragraph that I read (and copied) from an article in an issue of the American Ecclesiastical Review from 1921:
Another instance of his dealing with childhood is deserving of notice. “During one of his sermons a baby became restless and began to cry. The crying grew in volume until it filled the church and it became plain that either Father Coffey or the baby would have to stop. ‘There are two of us preaching in this church at once,’ said he, ‘and I don’t know which of us is giving the better sermon. When a baby cries in church he is telling two things. First, that there are babies in the family; and second, that the mother has come to Mass with her baby. On the whole I think the baby is preaching the better sermon and I’ll let him go on with it. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.’ And he continued the Mass.”
I always remember this when I “compete” from the pulpit.
When your own journey with the Lord becomes that much more important to you than the journey of your fellow parishoners, I find that really sad. Children ARE the future of the church. I like this approach. I was raised in the Catholic Church and have since left and joined another church because of the alienation of young people and Children in many parishes. I support Catholic churches who have specific Family Masses and those of you who are SO annoyed can avoid the babies instead of the babies avoiding church. Just because you have been Catholic 50 years and me 15, doesn’t make you more righteous.
As a father of four (7,5,3 and one in the womb) I understand the dilemma. Some of mine were / are very difficult at Mass. The problem is that some parents refuse to be parents and let their kids do whatever. We find that if you bring thing that help the little one focus, and then re-focus, etc. it keeps them from throwing fits. We take the kids out if they are throwing a tantrum, but not if they are just making some noise. One of the problems is that even when there is a cry room, the parents that use it feel it is a playroom for their kids. If you are using the cry room or the vestibule as a playroom, your kids are not attending Mass. We have always taken our kids to Mass, even daily Mass, Midnight Mass, etc. They get so much out of it and in small ways they are able to participate in the sacrifice to some extent. When your 3 yr. old sing the Gloria, or other Mass parts, or your 2 yr. old goes home and plays Mass with his toys, you know why they are there.
One more thing, the babies sometimes cry because they need to be fed. My wife nurses at Mass. She just covers herself with a blanket. We have taken a great deal of flack for this from priests, but would they rather we not bring them? Sadly, I think many would rather babies stay at home. We are Catholic, we need to get over the whole uncomfortableness with breast feeding. Oh, and those that do breast feed do need to do it discreetly, but they should not have to leave.
. ” I am a grandparent and are very tolerant and understanding of infants crying …outside of the church service.”
Please, get a life…or at least a sense of what Jesus wants from his body, the Church! The priest who spoke up in this original post is correct. You, grandpa, are wrong. I am sure that the apostles thought they were doing the right thing by trying to keep the local kids away from Jesus but He put a stop to that hypocrisy because ONLY children will be allowed to enter heaven. If you want peace & quiet for meditation, “go to your room, close your door & speak with your Father” but don’t diss the kids in church.
Since you’re a grandpa, you will no doubt remember the days when Catholic Churches were built without cry rooms because the entire church was a cry room. Families routinely took up whole pews. Those were the days before contraception and abortion kept one out of three kids in our Church from living. Then the Churches got quieter & quieter….
Yes, I know many parents don’t adequately do their job. Yes, I know its distracting. That’s the way kids are. That’s the way real life is. If we want a pro-life Church, the place to start would be in Church.
With respect,
Grandma
My parish has many, MANY children, so about every other week there is one of the younger ones crying or trying to run down the aisles to the alter. I think it’s because my church population is small and has been together for over a decade that we put up with each other so well. So it shocks me when I go to other churches and there is only one baby crying or yelling and people actually make an effort and turn around to look at the parents. That’s just plain out rude. Sometimes a child just won’t stop crying and theres nothing you can do! Thank God for tolerant priests and clergy that support large families.
With my support to large, healthy, happy families,
A 14 year old Catholic girl
The Catholic Church’s cultural practice that children should be in mass is one reason why I am no longer Catholic. When I was a child, I HATED getting dragged to mass every Sunday. It was extremely boring, but I was taught it was something I had to do, kind of like eating my vegetables. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I saw the other side of the coin. Specifically, that it was as burdensome to my parents keeping me in line during mass as it was tedious for me to be there. So what you have is parents who are spending all their energy getting their bored children to not act up and disturb the congregation. Our family can think of plenty of other better ways to spend our Sunday mornings, thank you very much.