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No marriage is truly successful, I’ve heard it said, unless husband and wife are each other’s best critic. And, it’s conventional wisdom that effective parenting involves establishing fair but consistent boundaries for children. In both of these activities, making sound judgments is an essential component.

This is good to remember when considering today’s gospel. We do need to judge others’ actions; Jesus doesn’t deny this. What he does insist is that we examine our motives before we do.

We usually can’t judge a person’s motives. We can judge what they do, however. But before we do, we need to consider our motives. That’s because when we judge, we assume a measure of moral authority. And that carries with it great potential to hurt the person whose actions are being judged. We know this, and that’s why criticisms are frequently employed as weapons in arguments, tools of manipulation, or expressions of our own insecurities. It’s true that we most criticize in others those things we dislike about ourselves.

The only proper motive for making a judgment is love. When we judge another’s actions, it should be with the intention that they mature as a human being, grow in holiness, and that our relationship with them might deepen. That’s loving judgment. Just as God loves, when he judges us.

Readings for today’s Mass: http://www.usccb.org/nab/062011.shtml

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Have you ever wondered what heaven will be like? People sometimes ask if there are dogs in heaven, and I happen to think there will be. Sometimes people wonder what we’ll do in heaven. As one bumper sticker proclaims: “If there’s no golf in heaven, I’m not going!” And it’s not unheard of for parents to assure their children that thunder is simply the sound of God bowling in heaven. I can’t say for sure if there is golf or bowling in heaven. But if there is, I promise you that there will be no golf widows, and nobody will bowl alone.

I say this because “Bowling Alone” is the title of a recent book from a Harvard professor which speaks about our society’s increasing fragmentation, and how we’ve become more and more disconnected from each other. Over the past 25 years we’ve experienced a huge drop in the number of people participating in clubs and other organizations, having friends over, and attending family dinners. We have seen an increase in the number of people who bowl. But they don’t bowl in leagues. Increasingly, we bowl alone.

But in heaven, nobody will have to bowl alone. Why? Because God is a Trinity. Now, if I lost you just there, bear with me. Understanding the Trinity is critically important. It’s easy for us to dismiss the Trinity as a mystery of faith we accept simply because we’re Catholics. But it’s essential that we understand the Trinity, because it will help us understand ourselves, and appreciate why there is no solitary bowling in heaven.

We became Christians when we were baptized- as Jesus’ instructed in today’s gospel- “in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Because of this, as St. Paul explained in our second reading, we received the Holy Spirit into our hearts, making us children of God with Jesus our brother, who call upon God the Father as Abba, or “Dad.” Through baptism, we are united with all three persons of the Trinity in such a way that we share in the very life of God. And God’s life is a sharing of love between three Persons: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. You and I have been created in the image of the Trinity. This means that you and I were made to share love. And this can only be done in community. With others. Never alone.

It’s true that as Christians we believe in one God, not three. But we believe in one God in three Persons, so perfectly united by love that they are indeed one. This is important. Because if God were ONLY one, then we might understand God as being lonely. Which could mean that you and I, as God creation, might simply be an expression of God’s neediness, God’s boredom, God’s loneliness. We might be nothing more than God’s distraction, or God’s hobby. If God is alone, it would mean that you and I would have been created to be alone too. To be lonely as God is lonely. To bowl alone.

But God is not simply one. He is three-in-one. A community of persons united in love. Therefore, there’s no chance that we’re merely expressions of God’s neediness. Instead, we’re an expression of God’s love. Perfect love, which God is, is giving, generous, overflowing. It can’t contain itself. You and I might understand ourselves, then, as an overflowing of God’s love. And since we’re made in God’s image, we can say that we’re both created by overflowing love, and created for overflowing love. Which makes our existence both a gift, and a possibility- a possibility to give and receive love the way God does: a perfect love without conditions, without limits.

Sometimes, however, encountering such love in this life can remain only a possibility. We may experience love, but it is far from perfect. What we thought was love ends up not really being love at all. We’ve wound up being hurt, abandoned, used, left behind. We’ve confused physical intimacy with love. Friends and family may have turned their backs on us when the going got rough, or because they were looking for greener pastures. We may not have wanted to bowl alone. But we wound up doing so anyway.

When this happens, we can be understandably angry. It’s as if we’re being cheated out of something we were meant to have. We say: “This isn’t fair! This isn’t the way it should be!” And we’d be absolutely right. Because we’ve been made for something much better than this.

Now, it may be that we are deeply blessed by the love of others in this life; hopefully others are blessed by our love too. But any and all human love, this side of the veil, is always imperfect, however good it may be. It’s only in heaven that we will experience love in all its fullness, in all its perfection. The brokenness we experience here, will be healed and restored there. In heaven, we will finally be able to love, and be loved, the way God intended us to. The way he created us to do. The way God the Holy Trinity does. In this life we often say, “You always hurt the ones you love.” But in heaven, we’ll finally be able to say, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

While we wait and hope and pray for such love, it’s important that we keep trying to love as best we can, and be grateful for the love we receive. We can’t give up, retreat into ourselves, or get stuck in cynicism. We need to keep reaching out, keep trying, keep forgiving. We need to have realistic expectations about our relationships with others, all the while trying to grow in our relationship with God, as we set our sights on heaven.

So what will heaven be like? Will there be dogs? I wouldn’t be surprised. Golf and bowling? Perhaps. But bowling alone? Not a chance.

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One standard but dreaded job interview question is: “Tell me your greatest weakness.” When asked this question, one expert recommends admitting only to a minor weakness that we’re in the process of fixing. In other words, don’t really answer the question, because weaknesses are considered a liability in society and the workplace. That’s why we usually deny, defend, excuse, hide, or resent our weaknesses.

The truth is that we all have a bundle of weaknesses: Physical, emotional, and intellectual. Some of us have financial limitations or difficult relationships. In addition, we all struggle with a weakened, fallen human nature which inclines us to sin.

God is well aware of our weaknesses. However, he doesn’t necessarily see them as liabilities. Instead, he wants to use them for our benefit, other’s benefit, and for his glory. St. Paul knew this. That’s why, in today’s first reading, he wrote, “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” Paul admitted his weaknesses and came to accept them as part of God’s plan for his life. God challenges us to do the same with our own.

If we do this, we’ll discover that our weaknesses can serve very useful purposes: They cause us to depend on God instead of ourselves; they keep us from being proud and arrogant; they build community, as they lead us to realize how much we need each other; and they help us to be more sympathetic, compassionate, and understanding people.

We’re asked “What is your greatest weakness?” in job interviews because potential employers want to find out A) What’s wrong with you? and B) How much of a risk are you? The good news is that God already knows what’s wrong with us, and he’s already given us the job of being his disciple. And if we let him, he can turn a great weakness, into a great strength.

Readings for today’s Mass: http://www.usccb.org/nab/061711.shtml

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Frustrated parents sometimes complain that shouting is the only way to get their kids attention. Sometimes people approach prayer this way too. They think God will hear them only if they pray long enough and hard enough. They’re like the people Jesus referred to in today’s gospel, who hope that they’ll be heard because of their many words.

Prayer isn’t about getting God’s attention, however. We already have God’s attention! In fact, it’s God who inspires our prayer in the first place. Prayer also isn’t about telling God things he doesn’t know. Jesus said that God knows what we need even before we ask him.

But we might ask: If God knows our needs, and is attentive to us all the time, why do we need to pray? Or to put it another way: If our Father in heaven wants to give us our daily bread, why does Jesus teach us to ask him for it?

The reason is that God isn’t going to impose something on us we don’t want, even if it’s something he knows we really need. In his love for us, God wants us to want what we wants to give us; he wants us to ask for what we need to receive, not because he needs to hear it, but because we need to know that it is God alone who can supply our needs. In other words, prayer never informs God; but prayer can, and does, form us.

Readings for today’s Mass: http://www.usccb.org/nab/061611.shtml

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If we were put on trial for being Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict us? Would there be witnesses who could attest to our faith? In circumstances like that, we would certainly want our family, friends, neighbors and coworkers to be well aware of our Christianity! The fact is, Jesus does want other people to see our faith in action, because it can change their lives.

A former drug addict shared with me that his cure began when he joined a vibrant young adult prayer group. When I asked him why, he said, “I could see that they had something that I needed!”

It’s Jesus’ hope that others will look at us and want what it is we have. He wants people to see our good works. It’s one of the ways he builds up his church. And it’s one of the ways we evangelize.

Evangelism, however, is about drawing attention to Jesus, and not drawing attention to ourselves. That’s why, in today’s gospel, Jesus warned against praying, fasting, and giving in order to impress other people. To do that is self-glorification, and it’s a real temptation in our culture. But as Christians, who we’re called to glorify is not ourselves, but our Lord.

Readings for today’s Mass: http://www.usccb.org/nab/061511.shtml

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A dear friend of mine wrestles the pain inflicted on her for years by her ex-husband, who might fairly be described as selfish, vindictive, callous, and immature. Because of her deep faith, however, my friend has received the strength to cope and persevere.

Her faith has, at times, made her feel smugly superior to her “ex.” She thought it made her look better than him in the eyes of others. She’s also harbored deep resentments against him, and would secretly rejoice whenever misfortune came his way.

Over time, my friend realized that her attitudes were incompatible with her faith. So she started to fast and pray for her ex-husband, asking that he himself might come to know the Lord and enjoy happiness and peace, even if she weren’t part of the picture.

My friend’s journey was inspired by Jesus’ words in today’s gospel. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus asks each one of us to love unconditionally, just as our heavenly Father loves indiscriminately- including those who’ve hurt us, by hoping for their good, and praying for their salvation.

Readings for today’s Mass: http://www.usccb.org/nab/061411.shtml

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“Everyone says that forgiveness is a lovely idea,” wrote C.S. Lewis, “until they actually have something to forgive.” How true that is! When we’ve been hurt or betrayed, our typical knee-jerk reaction is to seek revenge and retribution.

“Don’t get mad,” the saying goes, “get even!”When we act this way, we may excuse our behavior by explaining that all we want is for justice to be done, and who can argue with that? In a similar vein, we might try to convince ourselves that we’ll never find peace or “closure” until the offending party has received his or her due.

Jesus, however, in today’s words from the Sermon on the Mount, rejects this “eye-for-an-eye” sort of ethic. He knows, and invites us to accept the radical truth that victims of injustice will find peace and closure, not through actions motivated by pain and hate, but through sincere forgiveness, motivated by grace and love.

Readings for today’s Mass: http://www.usccb.org/nab/061311.shtml

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