There is a marvelous chapter in the Book of Proverbs that ought to be studied by every young person living in this lustful world. It sets forth plainly the stance that any son or daughter of God should have regarding the lust so often celebrated by this age.
Many preachers and teachers wince at the Book of Proverbs on this topic since it tends to portray seduction and lust as coming from women.
However, it must be recalled that Proverbs features a father speaking to his son. So the context is that of a young man experiencing seduction from a certain class of women (not all women).
The silence of this chapter of Proverbs on the problem of men seducing women should not be taken as a denial of this problem; it is simply not the context of the discussion. Any woman ought to be able to take the advice given here and translate it for her own sake as well.
With that in mind, let’s look at this masterful advice from the Wisdom of God. The alliterations (on the letter “D”) are based on a talk by Rev. Adrian Rogers that I heard many years ago. While the alliterations are his, the content of this article is wholly mine.
The Direction we should follow – My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge.
As we have noted, the Book of Proverbs takes up the form of a father advising his son. One of the most critical jobs a parent has is teaching and handing down the preserved and tested wisdom that comes to us from God and from experience. A father should teach his children at length on all matters of life, including sexuality. He should also insist that his children both listen (incline their ears) and apply (attend to) the wisdom that comes from God.
With the modern breakdown of the family on a wide scale, this basic function of fathers, specifically, and parents and elders, in general, is poorly executed. Children today are often without critical moral instruction, at least of a healthy sort.
The opening verse encourages the son to hearken to the wisdom of the elders so that he may keep discretion. In this case discretion refers to the ability to exercise good judgment and to having cautious reserve. Discretion is the ability to make responsible decisions. Sound teaching is meant to assist sound decisions.
The son is also encouraged to hearken to wisdom so that his own lips may preserve knowledge. In other words, one day he will need to teach others, and what comes from his mouth should be the tested wisdom of God, not the fleeting and often foolish slogans of the world.
Sadly, when one generation fails to teach wisdom, the next generation is not only poorly instructed, it is ill-equipped to teach; this allows the problem to multiply quickly. What was once common sense isn’t very common anymore. It doesn’t take long for the whole culture to start crumbling without good sense.
There is a direction, a received wisdom, that ensures sound judgment; we must keep it, preserve it, and pass it on.
The Deception we should avoid – For the lips of a loose woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not take heed to the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it.
This describes a woman inciting lust in men. Surely such a woman is the antithesis of Lady Wisdom! Again, though this describes a woman, seduction and the incitement of lust is not unique to women (any more than wisdom is unique to women). Men can seduce and draw others to lust as well. However, in general, men are more susceptible to lust. Even if you wish to debate that, recall that this book is a collection of teachings of a father to his son.
Note the description of sweet lips and smooth talking. Lust always plies her trade by emphasizing her sweet delights without mentioning the cost. Her smooth talk assures that everything will be all right, that those who object are just sexually repressed and judgmental. She assures that “experts” have found “healthy” societies where free love is practiced. She cites statistics that nearly everyone fornicates anyway. How can the majority of people be wrong? Yes, she’s a smooth talker all right.
Then comes the bill and the results are bitter as wormwood. Lust cuts like a sharp but jagged knife; she drags souls to Hell.
Lust has lost sight of her own lies. She has even convinced herself that her lies and deceptions are true. This occurs because of the way that sins, especially sins of the flesh, cloud the intellect. St. Thomas Aquinas noted that the sins of the flesh (lust and gluttony) are not usually the most serious (sins of the Spirit such as pride are more so), but they are the most disgraceful because of the way that they darken the mind. St. Paul similarly wrote that those who suppress the truth claim to be wise but are fools and their senseless minds are darkened (cf Rom 1:17ff).
Lust cannot even see for herself how foolish her notions are. She believes her own lies and so do those who fall into her trap. Even middle school students can see how unhealthy promiscuity is. They can recognize that homosexual acts violate the very design of the body: the “parts don’t fit together.” They can do this because their hearts have not yet been blinded by lust, nor have their minds been darkened by it.
Lust and her followers soon become blind and fail to see even the most obvious facts before them; their minds are darkened. Jesus says, Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? (Lk 6:39)
The Distance we should keep – And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house;
Yes, stay away. How many have been snared merely by coming too close! Addiction to Internet pornography has reached shocking levels. Many young men think it impossible to break free. Worse still, the addiction descends into ever darker and even unnatural places. What begins as sinfully looking at “ordinary” nudity soon degrades to viewing depictions of some of the vilest sexual practices. Children today can find displayed before them practices that normal adults would not have even imagined just 50 years ago. Even animals do not engage in the things pined for by those addicted to lust. There is a great debasement described in the literature by experts who try to help those lost in lust. Even if these addicts can break free, their minds may be sullied for years if not for life.
Hence, Scripture advises us to stay far away, to venture not even near the door. Elsewhere, St. Paul wrote, Flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18). There is to be no dabbling with lust, no risk-taking, no testing limits, no teasing, no occasional looks at risky websites to satisfy curiosity. One must soberly, carefully, and prudently avoid any and all commerce with lust. Lust easily gets her hooks in. Once that happens, it is goodbye to innocence and healthy notions of human sexuality.
Keep a safe distance. Install web filters. Engage in prudent dating practices. There is a distance that we must maintain or we will suffer great damage.
The Damage we will suffer – Many damages are described: lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless; lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of an alien; and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I was at the point of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.” Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you … For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he watches all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is caught in the toils of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is lost.
Note the following damages:
Dissipation – lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless; lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of an alien … Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you
Practically speaking, fornicators and adulterers can find their income reduced by alimony, child support, and other expenses. Those who flee these responsibilities are often pursued by the government and can have their wages garnished. They can be subject to penalties for lack of compliance. They assume the financial costs without the benefits of a loving wife and children, a common home, and the shared joys that God intended to go with the challenges of marriage and family.
Hence, the text speaks of the honors, strengths, and fruits of labor of the fornicator and adulterer going to strangers, to homes where he does not live or enjoy the warmth and love thereof.
Why should this be, O lover of lust, that your wealth and resources be scattered? Resist lust now or you will find your resources scattered to alien homes.
Disease … and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed …
Practically speaking, the text points to sexually transmitted diseases.
The text can also refer to the emotional and spiritual damage that comes from giving your body over to strangers and to lust. There is the anger and depression of being used and discarded. Intimacy cannot be exchanged in a merely physical way; humans are just not made that way. Our soul and psyche are deeply connected to our body, especially in matters of profound physical intimacy. To be joined in this way can never be as casual as the lustful say it is. There is a connection that sets up and is hard to break. An entire subset of deliverance ministry is devoted to helping people break their “soul ties” to past “sexual partners.”
Add to this list of ailments the awful sorrow and gnawing guilt associated with post-abortion syndrome.
Many groan under the physical, spiritual, psychological, and emotional weight of their sins. Even for believers, who know that God has forgiven them, it is often hard to forgive themselves. The weight of guilt, embarrassment, and shame is hard for many to shake. Lust does not like those who have discovered her lies, and she taunts them with guilt and shame.
The verse also points to the end of life. Although at the end of our life we are meant to be surrounded by loving children and grandchildren, many who served lust will die far more alone.
Disappointment – … and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors … ”
If the sinner ever wakes up, his disappointment with himself is often colossal. He feels foolish and regrets that he pridefully rejected instruction, regarding it as stupid or old-fashioned. I meet people like this all the time, those who wish they could do it all to do over again, differently.
It is so easy to scoff at instruction when we are young, and even when we are not so young. In a culture fixated on adolescent rebellion, a culture that thinks it knows better than Mother Church, many finally grow up and realize what a mess they have made of their own life and that of others.
The promises that sexual and other sinful pleasures make are broken on the rocky shores of disappointment and betrayal.
Disgrace – I was at the point of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.
Our private sins have a way of becoming public. The Internet porn addict discovers that his browsing habits are known by search engines, the FBI, and even prospective employers who do background checks. Security clearances are threatened. The adulterer is found out. The boyfriend running from his duties to the pregnant girlfriend is summoned to answer for himself. The sinful priest is turned in, arrested, and loses his parish and ministry. The sexually abusive stepfather is arrested. The public school teacher has her escapades with the teenage boy displayed on the nightly news.
At some point it would seem that even Lust and Satan himself tire of the sinner; they like to see him suffer before Hell comes. Though Satan risks having the person repent and ultimately be saved, he can’t quite resist making an early “snack” of some of his followers.
What is done in the darkness will be brought to the light.
Even a world that says sexual sin is “no big deal” turns on its own at some point. The sinner cannot escape the special shame and scorn that go with sins of the flesh.
On account of envy, many fellow sinners delight in pointing to someone in worse shape than they are. Somehow they think that this will make them feel better. Maybe, but only for a moment; envy is the sin that keeps on taking.
Domination – The iniquities of the wicked enslave him, and he is caught in the toils of his sin.
There is an addictive quality to lust and especially to Internet pornography. Many reach a point where they feel enslaved. They want to stop but feel incapable. Though their habit is costing them dearly in all the ways already described, even this cannot motivate them to stop. They are enslaved and dominated by lust.
Death – He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is lost.
The death described here is surely a spiritual death, but there are those, not few in number, who have physically died from syphilis, gonorrhea, and AIDS.
St. Paul wrote, For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom 6:23). We were made to be free and alive in the Lord, but sin (in this case indulged lust) drags us to death and Hell.
Jesus warned, but He advanced a solution as well: Therefore I say to you that you will die in your sins; for unless you believe that I am He, you will die in your sins (John 8:24). Only the grace of God, working through our faith and His mercy, can cancel the death that ultimately comes upon the unrepentant slave of lust (or of any of her nasty sisters, cousins, and aunts). Scripture says, The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God … Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life … (Gal 5: 19-21; 6:7-8).
The text says that this death comes upon one who lacks discipline. The word discipline is rooted in the Latin word discere (to learn). In English, the word discipline also speaks to applying what one has learned as a way forward. Thus, one can be said to engage in the discipline of learning or the discipline of science. To lack discipline is to reject sound teaching or to refuse to apply it.
The text adds that it is a great “folly” to do so. Folly is related to the word “fool.” Who is the fool? The one who refuses received and taught wisdom.
Make no mistake, then. To refuse or reject God’s wisdom, handed on through the Church, is foolish; it shows a lack of discipline and brings death.
The Design that we should follow – Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, A loving doe, a graceful fawn—let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever. Why should you be infatuated, my son, with a loose woman and embrace the bosom of an adventuress?
Yes, here is God’s design: a man should leave his father and mother, seek for a wife, and having found her, cling wholly to her in an embrace of growing and fruitful love. This plan has its difficulties and requires sacrifice, mercy, and mutual forgiveness, but unlike lust, God’s plan gives life. Fruitful, faithful, and lasting matrimony is God’s answer to a lustful world.
Lust is no lady! Another proverb says, Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised … An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain (Prov 31:30, 10-11).