There is a secret, once known and widely shared among women, that the best way to get and hold a man’s attention is through modesty. Near nakedness can get a man’s attention, but it is modesty that will hold it.
Why is this so? It is because mystery is powerfully attractive. It entices; it draws and holds one in a kind of suspense. At its heart, modesty is a reverence for mystery. It uses mystery to build the very relationship that is meant to unlock its secrets: Holy Matrimony.
Relationships are not built by a mere glance. Modesty helps to hold the glance while the relationship has time to grow and be tested.
Modesty is not prudishness. The word modesty comes from the word mode, which refers to a central tendency of a group of numbers. As such, modesty is a kind of middle ground that does not seek to burden women with excessive coverings but that also considers the needs of others, so as not to inflame passions and lust. True modesty reveals beauty, but also reminds that much more remains hidden and must be reserved only for the deepest relationship of Holy Matrimony.
Sadly, many women today have not been taught this essential feminine virtue. Men are too often treated to a “full disclosure” or to disclosures that leave little to the imagination. This does excite a kind of “animal” attraction in a man, but it cannot usually hold that attention for very long. Why? Because mystery, once disclosed, is no longer mystery, and its attractive power vanishes quickly. Soon enough, a man who is not attached to a woman for deeper reasons loses interest and starts to be drawn to other women, whose mystery still attracts because it has not been uncovered.
Many men are not even consciously aware that this is why they have lost interest; they do not intend to be crass. But at the level of desire, mystery is important. Once the key has been turned and the mystery unlocked, a powerful card has been played.
Women used to instinctively and collectively know this. They used modesty to hold the man’s attention, build the relationship, summon his proposal of marriage, and then draw him to the marriage bed—not to the back seat of a car or an apartment couch. In the context of a more fully formed relationship the fuller mystery of her was finally revealed and shared. Children usually came quickly in those days and this, too, helped to hold the man fast. Though her mysteries had been revealed, there was now more to keep the man’s attention. For by now, after courtship and engagement, he now knew her more richly in the depth of her person. They had shared memories and become part of each other’s extended families. And even more, their own children were now here, or at least on the way.
The mystery kept secret by modesty was now revealed, but the ties that bind were now operative and filled the role that modesty had assisted in bringing about. And most women of previous generations also knew that even after marriage modesty still had some role, for her modest attire and demeanor still could draw his glance somehow.
Yes, modesty is a great feminine secret, once known by most women. Now, though, many have foolishly cast it aside.
I pray that many will once again discover modesty’s paradoxical draw. While immodesty may attract a man’s quick, animal attention, only modesty can really hold his attention and root it in something higher and better than animal desire. Believe it or not, men have rational souls too! Higher and better motives still work and attract men. Modesty is both powerful and attractive. Here’s to a great “secret weapon”!