A few months ago, I invited a friend to go see a new romance/drama that had just come out in theaters. It had gotten good reviews, and I thought we’d make a girls night of it. To my surprise, her response was “No thanks, I don’t see movies like that anymore.”
I was curious what she meant. “Well ya know how people say chick flicks are like porn for women? So I don’t go anymore. It’s unhealthy for me cause it creates unrealistic expectations about guys.”
I was really impressed with her commitment!
It made me think of a comment that “Some Guy in CA” had written in response to Msgr. Pope’s blog Marriage Can Wait. He wrote:
I think the main problem is that most women (including faithful Catholics) have extremely excessive expectations of what they expect from their “suitor”. If the initiative that he takes falls anywhere short of the kind of nonsense they see on TV and read in magazines, then it is not happening…There are certain types of good, orthodox, faithful, single Catholic girls that I meet that I find attractive but have learned at this point to not bother with because I can sense that they have this unhealthy view of romantic relationships. Guys: just don’t bother with those particular gals. It is up to them to fix themselves.
Wow, I can definitely see where he’s coming from! Honestly in my mind I’m probably looking for some combination of Mr. Darcy (wisdom and real estate), David Beckham (athleticism and edge), Enrique Iglesias (he’s Latin and he sings), and the-holiest-man-on-the-planet-who’s-not-celibate (whoever he is).
Mea culpa, gentlemen. What I do is exactly what I accuse guys of doing with regards to porn. With porn, guys can customize their experience with whatever woman they want in whatever scenario they want. With chick flick-supported fantasies, I get to imagine falling in love with the star soccer player after hearing him sing with his band during a party at his Georgian estate after which he escorts me home (instead of to his bedroom) confessing his deep love and respect for me as a sister in Christ.
But Laura, Mr. Darbeckiglamen doesn’t exist!
So I should probably get real and:
1) pray for purity of heart and mind
2) follow my friend’s example and not watch chick flicks
3) stop comparing the men I meet to Mr. Darbeckiglamen
4) encourage all men in their realistic pursuit of realistic women
8 Replies to “Mr. Darbeckiglamen”
Well said! I think most girls go through a period of adolescent fantasizing, but media targeted at young single women tends to indulge us in extending it into adulthood. But while it’s a good idea to steer clear of shallow “chick flicks”, I think it would be a shame to ignore all the beautiful classics that appeal to the sincere yearning for romance—Casablanca, It Happened One Night, An Affair to Remember…
Trust me, this combination of male qualities does not exist. At best, you could get everything but the celibacy.
However, I will confess that I, too, have a certain “ideal” woman – fiendishly smart, good-looking, wealthy, athletic, talented, devoted, and the kind of person you could talk about papal encyclicals and the Spiritual Exercises with – and will freely concede that she, too, does not exist.
As a rabbi once said, “God will provide… but if only He would until He does!”
I’m curious. What do you mean by “and will freely concede that she, too, does not exist”?
Hahahahahaha! Your post is so perfect!! I think it isn’t a coincidence that I found a man to be with when I finally started to let go of my expecatations about “the perfect man.” And I have been pleasantly surprised!
Great post, and I don’t go to those movies anymore either. I’m in a position of hearing others talk about their relationship problems and what is realistic is often a topic well discussed.
There may be no so such thing as a perfect man, but I agree with you that if one were to try to assemble him, he’d have to be at least two-parts English 😉
Laura, I’ve wondered these points as well. I admit as a man, I want to be Mr. Darbeckiglamen, but do fall short…I think I almost owe it to want to improve and care for myself for Jesus’ sake and for my own. And don’t think that Mr. Darbeckiglamen doesn’t exist, He usualy goes by a more familiar Name.
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