If the”I Do”Becomes”You’d Better”

In the early stages of courtship and even into marriage couples are most often kind and often go out of their way to please one another. The initial dates always find the couple on their best behavior. There are many small kindnesses shown, They dress up for one another, groom, say kind and considerate things and are very careful as to how they express themselves. As courtship continues some of these begin to fade away. After engagements arguments may often ensure about the upcoming wedding. But generally there are still many kindnesses and patience shown. The early stages of the marriage often feature joyful and new experiences (unless they’d been shacking up).  😉

But it seems to me that far too many marriages devolve into a sort of unkindness that can set up between the spouses. They start to get impatient and grouchy and often accumulate resentments about each other. Some very mean things start to get said and many little kindnesses disappear. Grooming gives way to an overly casual even sloppy appearance around the house. Little pleasantries like “please” and “thank you”  fade away, “I’m sorry”  and “excuse me,” go away, and even affectionate terms like “dear”.

Read and heed carefully what Colossians has to say:

12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Col 3: 12-17)

Not bad advice at all. Husbands, show your wife kindness and manifest compassion. Tell her you love her, that she is beautiful and you’re glad you married her. Bring her flowers for no particular reason. Help her carry the burdens of the household and children. Support her in her vocation as mother. Wives, encourage your husband. Tell him you are proud to have him as a husband. Praise him once and a while for what he does well and show him affection. Encourage him to be a father and a leader.

Well you get the point. Now I’m not asking you to lie, but you should ask the Lord to show you and remind you of what you really like about your spouse. Focus on these things. What you feed grows, so feed the positive and starve the negative. Above all, get on your knees and beg God  to help your really love your spouse with a deep and abiding love. God can do this for you.

It’s also good to share a little humor along the way. This video presents a rather silly list of the things you shouldn’t say to your wife. So pay attention men, take notes. Wives, I don’t have a video to offer you but I figure you already know what not to say 🙂

The Full Cost of Real Love is No Charge

When I think about the way God loves us I am often amazed and the worldly part of me thinks God must be crazy to love me. We can all be so ungrateful and undeserving of God’s love and providence but He still offers it.

Some of the parables speak of the “crazy” side of God’s love, There is the parable of the woman who lost a small coin and, after finding it threw a party that cost many times the value of the coin she found. (Luke 15:8-10) Crazy huh?  Well Jesus is teaching about God’s Kingdom love for us, it is extravagent, beyond all reasonable bounds.  Then there’s the parable of the Man with two sons (Luke 15:11-32). One of his sons tells him to drop dead and wants his inheritance now. He gives it to him! Off the son goes and messes up big time. He sinks so low he starts to admire how well pigs eat. Upon his return to the father he told to drop dead, he expects wrath but he gets embraced and the Father throws a party. Crazy huh? But the story does not end there. The second son, offended at the party,  now cops an attitude and insults his father by refusing to enter the party. Instead of sending servants out to force him in, the father himself goes out and pleads with his son who continues to dishonor him with bitter rebukes as to his leadership! What a crazy Father! He seems to love his son anyway. What father in the ancient world would ever plead with his son, it just wasn’t done. But Jesus is teaching again of his Father’s “crazy” love for us.

And Jesus is crazy too. He actually chooses to die for us, not because we are good but because we are bad. We, having run his wrists and feet through with railroad spikes hear his prayers of mercy for us. And who would have excused him if, after dying, he just went right back to heaven and said, “Father, I ‘ve had it with them I’m coming home!”  But instead he rose and said “Peace be with you” to men who had abandoned him. Crazy. Just crazy.

It is clear that God loves us no matter what. “Ah” but you might say, “what about the souls in Hell?!”  I say to you he loves them still! They do not want to live in the Kingdom with him and he respects their freedom in that regard. But have you noticed, he doesn’t wipe them out or anihilate them? They still exist, in an unpleasant place of their choice, but God still sustains and provides for them. Even Satan is not killed by God. Crazy!

So face it, God loves you. He even likes you! Not becauseyou deserve it, you don’t. Neither do I. God loves you and me “for no good reason.” He loves because he is love and that’s what love does. To think that we could lose God’s love is actually a sign of pride since we think that somehow we have the power to make God stop being what he is, Love. I know full well that God does not love my sin but I do not doubt that he loves me…for no good reason, for no explainable reason other than he is Love and that’s what love does, it loves.

Now I hope You’ll find this video as much of a blessing as I do. I suppose that the closest example of unconditional love we have on this planet is a mother’s love for her children. Behold and be blessed: Shirley Ceasar’s “No Charge.”

Every day is a holiday

A uniquely Catholic greeting

One of the teachers at my school and I have an amusing manner of greeting one another. Rather than a simple “hello” or “good morning” we always recall the feast day the Church is celebrating. For example, this morning, we said, “Happy St. Wenceslaus Day.” Tomorrow, it will be “Happy Feast of Saints Michael, Gabriel and Raphael!” Even on days when, in the United States, no feast or solemnity is designated, we challenge each other by researching a feast day in another country. Some days, we come up with the most obscure of Catholic feasts but, in 2 years, we have never had to do a simple “Hello.” Last week, I discovered St. Finbar of Ireland – Who knew?

It is a Catholic thing

One of our non-Catholic colleagues asked about this tradition one day. She confessed that beyond Easter and Christmas, she did not realize there were other “holidays” celebrated by the Church. Once we broke out the Catholic calendar and showed her the various feasts, she commented, “It seems like the calendar we follow is based on the Church’s calendar.” How true that is!

Christmas is really “The Solemnity of the Nativity of Our Lord.”

Easter is really “The Solemnity of the Resurrection of Our Lord.”

Even Saint Patrick’s Day is listed in the Divine Office as, “The Commemoration of Patrick, Bishop.”

Governments and societies celebrate these events on days designated by the Church, not the other way around.

What is today’s date?

Brothers and sisters, go beyond the ordinary when starting your day. A great way to center yourself in Christ is to refer to the Catholic calendar. Trust me, there is something affirming about knowing that somewhere else in God’s creation, a fellow Christian is reflecting upon the exact same feast or solemnity as you. And, if you are unsure about who else in the world is sharing that prayer with you, rest assured, there are at least two people at a small Catholic high school joining you.

This is a great guide to the Catholic liturgical calendar:

http://www.catholic.org/saints/calendar/

The Mystery of Time

Time, what could be more clear? What time is it? 10:00 pm! Next question. We think at times that nothing could be simpler than time. But time has mysteries about it. I cannot list them all here. But consider a few puzzlements about time.

  1. The Mystery of Time’s  Elasticity – We like to think that time is unvarying. 10 minutes here, is the same as 10 minutes there. But science has already disproved that. For example, as an object approaches the speed of light, time slows down. Further, strong gravitational forces also slows down time. On a very large planet with stronger gravitational forces I would age less rapidly than on a smaller planet. Granted, it would take a huge difference in speed or gravity to be able to observe a big difference, but the Law of Relativity does demonstrate that time does not pass equally everywhere. In a way it is almost symbolized by a large, lumbering elephant compared to a tiny little mouse. As the mouse scurries across the floor (pursued by my cat!) the speed is amazing, almost as if the mouse were in a different time frame.
  2. The Mystery of Lifespans – And speaking of animals, why are life spans so different? My cat Daniel is, like me a mammal. He has heart and lungs, very similar physiology in most respects. Yet his clock is set to 15 years, my clock is set to 80 years. Certain turtles can live up to 150 years, Many types of parrots can live to be over 100. Other birds live only 10 to 15 years. Most fish live only a few years, but Carp (a fish) live up to 100 years. And so on. We all see to have a clock, a designated life span. But that life span seems quite variable even among very similar species. We seem to carry the mystery of time in us. I have never heard a satisfying answer to the wide variability of life spans.
  3. The Mystery of Eternity – Lastly there is the mystery of what we call “eternity.” Most people misunderstand the word eternity simply to mean a long, long, time. But that is not what is meant by the word. When the Greeks coined the word eternity, (Aeon) they meant by it “the fullness of time.” That is to say, Eternity is the past, present and future all being experienced at once. I cannot tell you what this is like, but I can illustrate it. Look at the clock to the upper right. The time is 1:15 in the afternoon. That means that 10:00 AM is in the past and 6:00 pm is in the future. But consider the dot at the center of the clock and see that at that spot 10 AM, 1:15 PM, and 6 PM are all the same, they are equally present to the center. We live our life in serial time, on the outer edge of the clock. But God does not. God lives in eternity. God lives in the fullness of time. For God, past, and future are the same as the present. God is not “waiting” for things to happen. All things just are. God is not waiting and wondering if you or I will get to heaven. He is not watching history unfold like a movie. In eternity, 10,000 years ago is just as present as 10,000 years from now. Scripture hints at God’s eternity in numerous passages. For example, But do not ignore this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day. (2 Peter 3:8). Psalm 139 says, Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be. (Ps 139, 15). Psalm 90 says, For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. (Ps 90:4). And then there is simply the God’s name: “I AM” In this Name, there is no past, no future, just an eternal now, the present tense. Jesus declared to the crowds, “Before Abraham ever was, I AM.” (John 8:58). So here is the most awesome mystery of time, the fullness of time, eternity.

Ponder God’s glory and the mystery of time!

The following Video claims to make the Theory of Relativity and time simple. It’s NOT simple. But it is an interesting video to illustrate some of the mystery of time as we experience it.

“Same-Sex Marriage”is Contrary to Biblical Teaching on Marriage

Marr_JamWr09_webThis week in most parishes of the Archdiocese of Washington, priests are being asked to review with their congregations some basic teachings on marriage and to explain why the Church opposes (so-called) “same-sex Marriage.”

The Archdiocese has issued a flyer to be placed in every bulletin and you can read it here:  MARRIAGE FLYER. But rather than repeat what is said there I would like to add some additional insights.

There are many good reasons to oppose same-sex “marriage,” some of them sociological, some of them psychologicalal. But, at the end of the day, the most fundamentalal reason that the Roman Catholic Church opposes a redefinition of marriage is that the Church is the steward and guardian of the truth God has given us in the Scriptures and formal Teachings of the Church. Many people want the Church to do what she simply cannot do. The Church is NOT ABLE to throw scripture and natural law overboard. We must continue to insist on what scripture teaches. We cannot nullify it. The Church has received the mandate to preach and teach God’s word whether in season or out of season. Whether popular or unpopular (2 Tim 4:2).

God established marriage in the Book of Genesis and we are taught the following essentials about marriage there:

  1. It was not good for Adam to be alone. He needed a “suitable partner.” (Genesis 2:18) Now notice the word “suitable”  a word which the dictionary defines as “apt, proper or fitting.”
  2. The suitable partner for Adam is first of all human – for none of the animals proved to be suitable for Adam. (Gen 2:20)
  3. The suitable partner for Adam was a woman. God created Eve, a woman, not Steve, a man. (Gen 2:22)
  4. The suitable partner for Adam  was one woman. For God did  not created Eve and Ellen and Jane and Sue. Hence polygamy is not of God’s design. True enough a number of the Old Testament Patriarchs DID have more than one wife. But what the Bible reports as a fact does not necessarily imply approval. Fact is, the Bible shows how polygamy ALWAYS leads to trouble. As Biblical  history unfolds, polygamy begins to disappear.
  5. Adam is to enter a stable relationship  with his suitable partner Eve for the text says that man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife (Gen 2:24). To cling means to adhere, to stick like glue. Hence, divorce and disunity are not part of God’s vision for marriage. Husbands and wives are to strive for unity and stability by God’s grace. The easy (no-fault) divorce of our culture is hostile to God’s plan for marriage. Couples should not seek easy ways out, they should do the work necessary to preserve union and stability in their commitment of marriage.
  6. Adam and Eve are told to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it (Gen 1:28). Now here is the essential rationale as to why their marriage should be stable and heterosexual. In the first place marriage should be stable because that is what is best for children. Secondly, the procreation and rearing of children is an ESSENTIAL end of marriage. Some argue that gay couples can adopt. True enough, under civil law, they can adopt but they cannot procreate. Their ability to procreate is instrincally impossible. It is true that some older couples cannot have children and they are able to marry in the Church. But their infertility is due to a natural quality given by God. It is intrinsic to the feminine nature that fertility decreases with age and ultimately ceases. Homosexual union is intrinsically sterile an can never meet the requirement of being fruitful and multiplying. Adoption is not procreation.
  7. Jesus reiterates the teachings of Genesis in Matthew 5 and 19 (inter al.) saying that “At the beginning God made them, male and female….hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife and the two  of them become one flesh.” Jesus does not say a man clings to his partner, rather his “wife.” Jesus then says with his own authority: “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” This text surely forbids divorce but one might also argue a wider interpretation wherein Jesus forbids us to tamper with what God has established. (cf Matt 19:varia)

Here then is the data of Scripture. The Church is the guardian of Scripture. We are not free to tear out pages, cross out sentences, substitute words etc. Some claim we are simply bigots, homophobes, or whatever the latest name or label  they wish to attach. But in the end the Church can do nothing other than to uphold what God definitively teaches us. We are to do this in season and out of season. Right now, insofar as popular culture goes, we are “out of season,”  but faithful to the Word of God anyway we speak. We can do no other.

Facebook: What will people think?

 facebookI took some risks this week on Facebook.

Instead of allowing my Facebook profile to exist peaceably in cyberspace, I decided to express myself in ways I hadn’t before.

One day I posted an article that supported marriage between one man and one woman. A Facebook-friend with whom I went to elementary school commented on my link in four paragraphs calling the viewpoint “ludicrous”.

Another day a Facebook-friend posted a status calling the Duggar family “insane”. I commented on her status by presenting the possibility that the Duggars (and other large families) may actually be loving, courageous, and selfless. This was followed by comments from her friends agreeing with the original statement; “Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.”

I honestly feared these two might un-friend me.

A recent article in the Washington Post addressed these fears about expressing ourselves on Facebook, particularly in the “Religious Views” portion of the profile.

“I couldn’t help thinking how others would judge me,” said one local Catholic young adult.

My own profile reads Evangelical Orthodox Roman Catholic. I am a Catholic of the Roman rite; I accept the Magesterium of the Church; and my heart is evangelical. Even more than these four adjectives, I think about my statuses, comments, and events which are so publicly displayed.

But it seems that Pope Benedict XVI would encourage all of us to take risks in expressing ourselves. In his Message for the 43rd World Communications Day, he writes:

“The new technologies have also opened the way for dialogue between people from different countries, cultures and religions. The new digital arena, the so-called cyberspace, allows them to encounter and to know each other’s traditions and values.”

In order start a dialogue, we first have to have the confidence to express our values openly…even if we do risk being un-friended.

Therefore, since we have such hope, we act very boldly. 2 Cor 3:12

God’s providence – “I am concerned – not worried”

Providentia – Providebit (God has provided – God will provide)Mother_Lange

I work at a school that is run by the oldest religious order for women of color in the world – The Oblate Sisters of Providence.   Founded in 1829 by Mother Mary Lange, OSP (pictured right), the Oblate Sisters are guided by the spiritual precept that God has provided and that God will provide.

Those of us who work with them in their ministries have learned to embrace Providential spirituality as well. At times, I still do not trust God to provide for my needs and thus, I worry. I worry about my school, its students, its teachers and even some of my parents. I frequently walk the hallways wanting everything to go perfect. And I worry.

Be concerned – not worried

Before I knew the Oblates, I thought that being worried about a school was the job of a principal. A few months ago, one of the sisters saw that I was clearly worried. This sister asked, “What’s wrong?” When I told her the problem she laughed. And in her wisdom, she said, “It is God’s school, not yours. If you are CONCERNED, that is OK. But, if you are WORRIED, you are praying all wrong, if at all.”

Divine Providence

Brothers and sisters, as a new school year begins, I know that there are many parents, teachers and principals who are concerned for the spiritual and academic development of the children God has entrusted to our care. But, whatever challenges await, don’t worry – God will provide.

To find out more about the Oblate Sisters of Providence, visit their vocations page at:

http://www.oblatesistersvocations.com/welcome.html