There is a new movie making the rounds in Christian Circles called Fireproof. It is about a young couple who experience that their marriage is falling apart. There is anger, resentment, accusations, and disappointment. But God isn’t done with them, He’s just getting started.
The husband Caleb is a fire f ighter who often reminds his fellow fire fighters to enter a buring building in teams and NEVER to leave their partner behind. Now he must learn the same thing in his marriage. Under the guidance of his earthly father Caleb receives wise help in saving his marriage but until he meets his Heavenly Father his efforts fall short because his heart is not in it. At a critical point in the movie he receives from Jesus the new heart he needs.
I know some of you may think this sounds a little cheesy and sentimental but the movie does not present any of this in a simplistic or merely sentimental way. Caleb comes to the Lord only with difficultly and the breakthrough he experiences is both realistic and moving. His wife’s struggle too is powerfully and credibly depicted.
In the following scene you see a moment of conversion for Caleb. He is frustrated that his wife is not responding to all his efforts and that she rejects his love. How can he go on loving some one who doesn’t love him and offers no gratitude or love in return? With his earthly father’s help he comes to see that this is exactly what he does to God, who loves him anyway. He rejects God, is ungrateful, and undeserving, but God loves him still. It is a breakthrough for Caleb. I don’t think it will spoil the movie for you to see this scene which is a very powerful description of the unmerited Love of God for us and our need to experience this if we will ever be able to love others.
Make it a priority to see this movie. It is for everyone, married or not; struggling or secure. It’s about love, it’s about marriage, it’s about miracles and it’s about breakthroughs. You won’t be disappointed that you saw Fireproof.
Wow! In case you haven’t been keeping up, the“Marriage Can Wait???”post has 35 responses! I think Msgr. Pope hit a chord.
To continue the conversation, let’s just imagine that Boy X and Girl Y meet at a party. They get into a great conversation (she’s flirting and making it obvious that she’s interested) and he asks for her number. They go on a date, it’s a great time, and they are both excited about going on a second date. Now what?
Well, let’s talk about friendship! Certainly, taking initiative and asking a person out is a big deal. But the process of becoming friends is where the relationship really starts to take shape and where a deeper discernment begins.
Does she have strong relationships with the women in her life? Does he have strong relationships with the men in his life? Do they know how to begin a friendship with someone of the opposite sex? Will this person be a faithful husband or wife? Will this person be a loving father or mother? Do I see virtues in this person that I admire? Will this person help or hinder our journey toward Christ?
All of our friendships, whether romantic or non-romantic, have as their goal God who is Love. What does this mean to you? Leave your comments and attend our next Relationship Speaker and Discussion Series! Working with insights from Pope Benedict’s Deus Caritas Est as well as Scripture, Dr. Yohe will speak on how to be a good friend, the importance of same-sex friendships, and the importance of opposite-sex friendships as a groundwork for dating and marriage.
Sunday July 19 – 6:30pm (after the 5:30 Mass)
Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle – North Conference Room
The Essential Groundwork of Friendship
Dr. Katherine Yohe received her Ph.D. in Historical Theology with a focus on spirituality from Catholic University of America. Her dissertation was on human friendship as a means to grow in union with God, and most of her publications and lectures have centered on the lay vocation and friendship. She has taught at Catholic University and LaSalle University and is presently teaching Scripture and Catholic Doctrine at Trinity School at Meadow View. She has been married for fifteen years and has a thirteen year-old son.
I found this video out on YouTube. It is rather well done in articulating the Church Teaching against “Same-Sex Marriage.” It is sensitively done as well, making clear that the Church does not reject or “hate” individuals with homosexual orientation. Yet to speak the truth in love means that we must insist on abstinence from sex for all unmarried individuals. Further, we cannot depart from Biblical teaching on the nature and purpose of marriage. We must remain consistent with Biblical truth and the constant teaching of the Church. It is a rather brief video and I recommend you view it and share the link with others.
Bottom line is, God has established marriage as a stable, lasting union of a man and a women and oriented it to the pro-creation and rearing of children. I have often quoted Genesis 2 and 3 in this regard but, here is another quote from the book of Malachi 2:15-17:
15Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
I was alerted to the following CNS Article on a recent CARA survey of Catholic Attitudes on Marriage. I post excerpts of it here below with some comments in red by yours truly.
Catholic attitudes about marriage differ by generation, says survey
By Maria Wiering, Catholic News Service
ST. PAUL, Minn. (CNS) — Catholic attitudes on marriage in the church are different among generational groups, according to results of a 2007 survey of U.S. Catholics by the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University in Washington.
Social scientist Barbara Dafoe Whitehead talked about the survey results in a keynote address June 25 in St. Paul at the annual conference of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers.
The survey showed that older Catholics — those who were adults before the Second Vatican Council — are more likely to look to the Church as the source for meaning and expectations for marriage than are baby boomers or members of Generation X or the millennial generation. Older Catholics also are more likely to be familiar with the Church’s teaching on marriage, to believe in marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and woman, and to think of marriage as a sacrament that extends beyond the wedding day, it said. Whitehead attributed this attitude to being raised in a time of a distinct Catholic identity that included an emphasis on the church’s teachings on sex, procreation and marriage.(I have commented before on this blog that, beginning in the 1960s many began to reinterpret the basic meaning of marriage. No longer were children and raising a family the central focus. The focus came to center on the happiness of the spouses. Hence easier divorce came to be seen as “essential” since without it happiness might be hindered. Prior to that time, when children were the essential focus, divorce was seen as highly problematic since it so negatively impacted children. Likewise in the 1960s sex became no longer associated with the procreation of children but, again, only associated with the happiness of the spouses. If children were a part of that happiness fine, if not, fine too. With children out of the picture as the central purpose of marriage many distortions follow such as easy divorce and now even “gay” marriage. If marriage is just about the happiness of the couple and children are merely a possible “accessory”, not an essential component, then who is to say two gay people can’t be happy together – or so the argument goes)
Generation Xers — ages 25 to 35 — … are confused about marriage, and their attitudes are closer to those of the general population, Whitehead said. “[Generation Xer] Catholics want to marry a soul mate, and they’re much less likely to see marriage in these broader, institutional [family] terms,” she said. Sixty-nine percent of Catholics [from this generation] believe that marriage is whatever two people want it to be, and the sacramental understanding does not figure as prominently into their understanding, she said.(So there it is. Depart from the Biblical and Church teaching on marriage and we are left with a designer marriage. Such widely variable definitions of marriage cannot be the basis for a strong or united civilization, country or Church. The privatization of marriage and the anything goes notion are not a stable basis on which to build. Hence we are left with the modern experience of a balkanized (divided) vision for marriage, family, basic values and moral teaching. Unity decays and the basis for country Church and even civilzation is lost).
….However…the youngest generation — the millennial generation (ages 18 to 24) — is showing a swing toward traditional ideas. “The youngest Catholics … look a lot more like the pre-Vatican II, Vatican II or post-Vatican II cohorts,” she said. “Huge majorities — 80 percent or more — of these youngest Catholics believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment and that people don’t take marriage seriously enough when divorce is readily available.” Many children of this generation have experienced divorce in their own families, and they are determined not to divorce themselves, Whitehead said. “This is a hopeful change,” she said.(Indeed it is a hopeful change! I too have encountered children and young adults in their 20s who are saddened, even disgusted with the broken down situation they have had to endure from their parents and grandparents. They know first hand the bankrupcy of the “designer marriage” easy divorce and confused atmosphere of the current climate. There is a knod of backlash setting in wherein the youngest couples I prepare for marriage are eager to be taught the Scriptural and Church teaching on Marriage. Thus THERE IS HOPE!)
Whitehead urged family ministers to share the social science evidence to dispel misconceptions, she said….”In these times when we have a culture that is so really difficult for people to remain faithful in their marriages, there must be a polar recognition of the circumstances of life and the need of support to help people live out the teachings of their faith,” she said.
This summer, the Archdiocese of Washington is marriage-minded! Check out these resources as well as events sponsored by the Office of Young Adult Ministry.
Attend a Series of Talks
Sundays July 12, July 19, and July 26 at 6:30pm
Relationship Speaker and Discussion Series
Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle North Conference Room
6:30pm (after the 5:30pm Mass) Light Dinner Included
July 12 Dr. Andre Leyva
“Dating and Mating from a Catholic Perspective”
Dr. Andre Leyva is the President and founder of the Psychology Center in Montgomery County, Maryland and a member of National Association of Hispanic Psychologists. He is a nationally and internationally recognized trainer, consultant, and key note speaker. His doctoral dissertation on Conflict Resolution was published and requested by mental health professionals in Europe and South America. He has written for two family magazines and has authored articles and workbooks. He is a frequent speaker at the Archdiocese of Washington’s Theology on Tap and Marriage Preparation program. Dr. Leyva has been married for 25 years and has six children.
July 19 Dr. Catherine Yohe
“The Essential Groundwork of Friendship”
Dr. Catherine Yohe received her Ph.D. in Historical Theology with a focus on spirituality from Catholic University of America. Her dissertation was on human friendship as a means to grow in union with God, and most of her publications and lectures have centered on the lay vocation or friendship. She has taught at Catholic University and LaSalle University and is presently teaching Scripture and Catholic Doctrine at Trinity School at Meadow View. She has been married for fifteen years and has a thirteen year-old son.
July 26 Deacon Al Turner
“While I’m Single: Living Life to the Fullest”
Deacon Al Douglas Turner is the Director of the Office of Black Catholics of the Archdiocese of Washington. He is assigned to the Church of the Nativity in Washington, DC. and was recently appointed to the Maryland Catholic Conference Respect Life Committee by Archbishop Donald Wuerl. Deacon Turner received a Graduate Certificate in Spiritual Direction in 2006 and a Master of Theological Studies degree in 2007 from the Washington Theological Union in Washington, D.C. Before his retirement from ABC News in 2007, Deacon Turner was employed for more than 28 years as a broadcast technician/ cameraman covering the White House, Capitol Hill, and news events around the world.
OK guys, time to man up and ask her out on a date! Too many of you men are slow in looking for a bride. When I was ordained twenty years ago I had a lot of marriages. Today there are far fewer, and those that marry are much older. Perhaps maturity is a good thing PRIOR to marriage but couples are really waiting a long time these days. Now I was not born yesterday and I know that part of the reason for the delay is that couples are often fornicating and are just plain shacked up as well. True marriage is delayed as false notions of sexuality and marriage are indulged.
But there is also another phenomenon that is harder to understand. I have quite a number of young women, who are very attractive I might add, tell me that they are seldom asked out on dates, that young men don’t seem very good at taking initiative when it comes to dating and marriage. Now come on guys, be a man and get out there and ask her out!
I remember back in high school and college when I was a dating man, prior to discovering my call to be a priest, I remember that there were risks that you took when you asked a girl out. She might say no. She might even laugh. I might feel humiliated or depressed. Well? Welcome to life! Some of the more embarrassing moments of my life are related to the dating game. So I understand guys. But do what I did: get out there anyway! Take the risk, ask her out! Forget about your fragile little ego, be man and make the ask. You might be surprised. Many attractive young ladies are just waiting for some one man enough to ask them out on a serious date. I’m not talking about some vague thing like, “Maybe I’ll see you at the social tomorrow.” Ask her out on a real date. Just you and her. Spend a little money on her and dress well for the occasion.
It is odd that today with so many ways to communicate, it seems harder than ever for men and women to meet. Though our ways of communicating are more than ever, real and actual communication seems hard to come by. The simple fact is that we need to work on this, actually get out there and meet, communicate, date and marry. Interestingly enough, a number of the recent marriages I have celebrated began on the internet, at a Catholic dating service. It’s not all that bad. Individuals signal their intention and wish to meet members of the opposite sex, share a significant amount of their values and expectations, and then meet to begin the process discernment. The Catholic faith is the starting point.
There is a lot of focus today on the issue of vocations to the priesthood and religious life, a good thing. But we need to wake up to the fact that marriage is on hard times. The statistics are sobering. In 1974 there were 46 Million Catholics in the USA and 400,000 marriages. In 2004 there were 70 million Catholics and only 200,000 marriages. Most priests know this personally. We just do a lot less marriages today. Further, the birthrate has dropped significantly for Catholics. One explanation: we are aborting and contracepting ourselves out of existence (the future world will feature a lot of Muslims and far fewer Catholics). But another explanation is that marriage rates are dropping and many delay marriage far into the years when fertility is diminished and limited.
There is also a lot of talk about evangelization so let me recommend a fundamental pillar to the Church’s Evangelization Plan: Let’s have a lot of young Catholics get married FIRST, have lots of babies and raise them Catholic. 🙂
Alright young men, get out there on the field, MAN-UP and ask her for a date! Young men and women, get serious about marriage. It is a holy institution established by God himself. It will make you holy, enrich the Church and ensure that we have a future. Are you up to it? We’re depending on you. Young men, don’t make the ladies wait and DON’T make me come out there and force you!
Here’s a fun video about the “Adventures” of Internet dating entitled “WEB SITE STORY”
In conversation and in the media you get the sense that redefining marriage is something that is sweeping the nation, that the majority of Americans are in favor of rewriting the definition of marriage and making a new definition law. This is simply not true. As California demonstrated when people are asked to vote on whether the state should define marriage as the union of one and one woman, people usually vote “yes”. Californians are not alone in this opinion. Do you know that 30 states have defined marriage through a constitutional amendment as the union of one man and one woman ? An additional eleven states prohibit same-sex marriage by statute. Only six states have legalized same sex marriage and three states do not prohibit same- sex marriage. Interestingly, in the six states that legalized same-sex marriage, it was through legal activism and through the courts that the legislation was created, not as a result of a ballot initiative or other voting opportunity.
The issue of marriage, specifically same-sex marriage has been featured prominently in the news as the D.C. Council seeks to recognize the marriage of same-sex couples who have been married in other states. Indeed, this will become law on July 7.
As the issue moves to the front page in the local papers it is all the more important to have the correct facts and to realize that the fight is far from over.
The Archdiocese of Washington has launched an initiative called MarriageMatters® with a WebPagethat features articles and information about the Church’s teaching on marriage and the importance of marriage to family and society. The webpage also has links to helpful information from other Catholic sources. Please take advantage of its resources so that you can participate in one of the most important questions of this generation.
If wedding bells are ringing in your near future, getting spiritually prepared is essential. Getting married isn’t just about preparing for a ceremony or a reception. It isn’t just even about preparing for a live together. It is ultimately about preparing for eternal life. Marriage is a call to holiness. What are some of the things you should know? When should you call the Church. What does the process of preparing look like? What are some “must have” conversations? What exactly in the Christian and Catholic understanding of marriage?
Questions like these and more are dealt with at the Marriage Matters web page at the Website of the Archdiocese of Washington. You can find it here:MARRIAGE MATTERS.
At the site are links to other sites and resources including the Bishop’s Website on Marriage: FOR YOUR MARRIAGE
Websites such as these are efforts to spend extended time teaching on Marriage. It is clear today that many marriages are in crisis. Further there are attempts to redefine marriage. It is essential that we return to teaching on Biblical and doctrinal roots of this sacrament for many have more secular notions of marriage. In the predominant secular view the earthly happiness of the couple is paramount and children are more of a way of “accessorizing” marriage should this enhance the couple’s happiness. Missing from this notion is any concept of sacrifice, self-giving, the common good, and the call to holiness (as distinct from mere emotional happiness).
It is to be hoped that we can begin to more systematically and creatively teach on the Sacrament of Marriage and recover a more Biblical, traditionally and doctrinally correct understanding of marriage. If you are married, or thinking of getting married or if you know of anyone in these categories visit the site, click on the Links and spread the Word: Marriage Matters!
In Marriages, little sacrifices can mean a lot and make a big difference. This video from the Bishop’s Website makes that point
