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The Miracle of Marriage – A Reflection on the Gospel for the 27th Sunday of the Year

Today’s first reading and Gospel speak to us of the miracle of marriage. If your marriage is even reasonably working, it is a miracle! We live in an age that is poisonous to marriage. Many people look for marriage to be ideal, and if there is any ordeal, they want a new deal. Our culture says if it doesn’t work out, bail out. Thus, successful marriages today are a miracle. Likewise, marriages are also a miracle since they are ultimately, a work of God.

Today’s readings bring before us, some fundamental teachings on marriage. Lets look at the Gospel, in five stages.

I. Rejection–the Gospel opens with the Pharisees approaching Jesus and they asked, somewhat rhetorically, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” Jesus, aware of their hypocrisy, that they do not really want an answer from him on which to base their lives, asks them in turn, “What did Moses command you?” They gleefully respond that Moses permitted a husband to divorce his wife so long as he filled out the paperwork.

But Jesus will have none of it and tells them that Moses only permitted this very regrettable thing called divorce because of their hard hearts.

There was a tradition among the Rabbis of Jesus time that this seemingly lax provision permitting divorce resulted from the fact that Moses reasoned,  that if he were to say to the men of his day that marriage was until death, that the men of his day might very well arrange for the death of their wives. Thus in order to prevent homicide, Moses permitted the lesser evil of divorce. But it was still an evil, and still something deeply regrettable. Thus God himself says in the book of Malachi:

And this again you do. You cover the Lord’ altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering…You ask, “why does he not?” Because the Lord is witness to the covenant between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Has not the one God made and sustained for us the spirit of life? And what does he desire? Godly offspring. So take heed to yourselves, and let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. “For I hate divorce says the Lord, the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of host. Yes…take heed to yourselves, and do not be faithless.” (Malachi 2:13–16)

Thus, in these opening lines of the gospel, Jesus spends time highlighting how the Pharisees, and many other men of his time, have rejected God’s fundamental teaching on marriage. Jesus is about to reiterate that teaching, but for now, note first, the rejection evidenced in the question of the Pharisees, a rejection which Jesus roots in hearts that have become hardened by sin, unforgiveness, and a rejection of God’s plan.

God hates divorce not only because it intrinsically rejects what he has set forth, but because it is also symptomatic of human hardness, and sinfulness.

II. Restoration–Jesus, having encountered their hard hearts, announces a restoration, a return to God’s original plan for marriage. The Lord quotes the book of Genesis saying,

But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. And for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife,  and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.

Note that the line begins with the phrase, “but from the beginning of creation…” In other words, Jesus signals that, whatever may have happened in the aftermath of Original Sin, whatever compromises or arrangements, that may have emerged in the reign of sin,  are now to be done away with in the reign of grace that will come as the result of Jesus’ saving death and resurrection.

On account of the grace that will be bestowed we are now able, and expected to return to God’s original plan for marriage, that is, one man for one woman in a lifelong, stable relationship, which is fruitful, bringing forth godly children for God and his kingdom. This is God’s plan, a plan which has no room for divorce, contraception, and anything other than fruitful, stable love.

We live in a time, in Western culture, when there have been many attempts to redefine God’s plan for marriage, and substitute something erroneous, something human, for God’s original and perfect plan. And while current attempts to redefine marriage as including same-sex unions are a particularly egregious attempt at redefining marriage, this is not the first or only way that many in our culture have sought to redefine God’s plan for marriage.

The first attempts began in the 1950s, when the first celebrity divorces began to happen in Hollywood, beginning with Ingrid Bergman and many others to follow. Many Americans, who love their Hollywood stars, began to justify divorce. “Don’t people deserved to be happy?” became the refrain. And thus marriage, which had its essential focus as what was good and best for children, began, subtly but clearly, to be redefined in terms of what was best for adults. The happiness of the adults, rather than the well-being of the children, began to take pride of place in most people’s thinking about marriage.

Pressure began to build to the 1950s and into the 1960s that sought to make divorce easier. Until the late 1960s, divorces had been legally difficult to obtain in America. Wealthier people, and celebrities, often went to Mexico to get divorces. But now, pressure began to build to make divorce in this country easier. In 1969 Gov. Ronald Reagan of California, signed the 1st “no-fault divorce law.” This legislation made divorce a very easy thing to obtain. Within ten years most of the 50 states had similar laws. Divorce rates skyrocketed, as we well know.

And this amounts to the 1st redefinition of marriage. No longer was a man to leave his father and mother, and “cling to his wife.” Now, at the sign of trouble men and women could easily sever their marriage vows. But this in direct contradiction to God’s plan which tells them to cling.  Thus, we engaged in what amounts to a redefinition of marriage.

The second redefinition of marriage came when the contraceptive mentality seized America in its grip beginning in the late 1950s and continuing apace to current times. Though God had said to the first couple, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth… (Genesis 1:28), Now children become more of a way of “accessorizing” the marriage, then an integral and expected fruit of marriage. Thus, children, were no longer an essential purpose of marriage, only an optional outcome, based on the wishes of the adults. And this too, is a redefinition of marriage in direct contradiction to God’s instruction to be fruitful and multiply. The happiness and will of the adults in question now attained to preeminence, children, rather than being an essential fruit, are only a possible outcome.

The current, and third redefinition of marriage is the proposal by many in our culture that people of the same sex can now enter into “marriage.” The utter absurdity of this proposal flows from the sinful conclusions of the first two redefinitions, which in effect state that, marriage is simply about two adults being happy, and doing what pleases them.

If that be the case, then there seems little basis in most people’s mind to protest “Gay” people getting married or, frankly, 3 or 4 or 5 adults getting married (polygamy is surely coming next).

We, in the heterosexual community, have misbehaved, and redefined essential aspects of marriage for over fifty years now. And the latest absurdity, (and it is absurd), of gay marriage flows from the flawed and sinful redefinition of marriage in the heterosexual community. We have sown in the wind, now we are reaping the whirlwind.

In the end, Jesus will have none of this. He rejects the attempts of the men of his age to redefine marriage, and he, through his Church, his living voice in the world today, also rejects the sinful and absurd redefinitions that we in our culture, propose, be it divorce, contraception or homosexual “marriage.”

God has set forth that a man leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and that the two of them become one flesh. In making a suitable partner for Adam, God created Eve, not Steve. And hence homosexual unions are excluded, a man is not a suitable partner for a man, a woman is not a suitable partner for a woman. Further, God did not, in making a suitable partner for Adam, make Eve, Ellen, Jane, Sue, Mary and Beth. Hence, polygamy, though mentioned, and tolerated for a time in the Bible (but always a source of trouble), is also not part of God’s plan.

God intends one man, for one woman, in a relationship of clinging, i.e., stable relationship, that bears the fruit of godly offspring.

This is the Lord’s plan and the Lord Jesus does not entertain any notion from the people of his day that will alter, or compromise God’s original design for marriage. He thus announces a restoration of God’s original plan for marriage as set forth in the book of Genesis.

III. Reality. As has become the case today, Jesus’ reassertion of traditional, and biblical marriage, was not without controversy. In Matthew’s account of this moment, many of the disciples react with disdain, saying, If that is a case of a man and his wife, it is better never to marry! (Matt 19:10)

In this gospel we see that the disciples are somewhat troubled by what Jesus says, and that they asked him about it again later, in the house. But Jesus does not back down, and even intensifies his language saying, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

There will be no apology from Jesus, divorce and remarriage is adultery. There may have been some in Jesus time, and today, who hold up their divorce papers and say that they have a divorced decree. But in effect, Jesus more than implies, that he is not impressed with some papers signed by a human judge, and he is not bound by the decision of some secular authority. What God has joined together, no man must separate. In other words, once again be establishes, that once God has in fact joined a couple in holy matrimony, the bond which God has affected is to be respected by all, including the couple themselves.

In other words, marriage has a reality beyond what mere humans bring to or say of it. Marriage is a work of God, a work that has a reality, and an existence the flows from God’s work, not man’s. All of our attempts to redefine, obfuscate, or alter marriage as God has set it forth, is both sinful and something which God does not recognize as a reality.

IV. Reemphasis–now comes an interesting twist, which includes with itself a reminder of one of the most essential purposes of marriage. The gospel text says,

And people were bringing their little children to Jesus that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

This is not a new element to the story, neither have we gone into a separate pericope . Rather, Jesus’ remarks about children remind us of the essential reason why marriage is structured as it is. Why should marriage be heterosexual, why should it be stable, why should include a father and a mother, rather than two fathers, or two mothers, or one mother or one father?

The fundamental answer, is it the essential work of marriage is to procreate, and raise children! Since children remain marriage’s most fundamental fruit, it makes sense that marriage should be structured based on what is best for children. And the fact is, that children are best raised in a stable, lasting environment, where their parents have committed to one another in mutual support, and partnership in raising the children. Further, it makes sense psychologically that a child should be receiving influence from both a father and a mother, a male and a female parent. There are things that a father can teach a child that a mother, or another woman alone cannot. Further, there are things that a mother and a woman can teach a child that a father alone or two fathers cannot. Psycho-social development is best achieved in what God and nature have set forth, namely, that every child should have a father, and a mother; a male and female influence, growing up.

Anything else, amounts to something which is less than ideal. To the degree that we intentionally impose the less than ideal on children, we are guilty of an injustice. Bringing children into the world prior to marriage or apart from it, wherein a child will be raised in a single-parent home, is an injustice. It is an even greater injustice that children conceived under the promiscuous circumstances are far more likely to be aborted. To kill a child through abortion is a horrific injustice, it is also an injustice to raise a child apart from a marriage situation.

This preference for stable lasting heterosexual unions, clearly excludes homosexual unions. For same-sex “parents” are far from ideal for a child. To raise a child in such circumstances intentionally is an injustice, for it is to subject the child to that which is unnatural, and far from ideal.

Catholics have every obligation, to both uphold and to insist upon traditional marriage as what is right and just, not only because it is God’s plan, but because it is clearly what is best for children, and marriage is fundamentally about children. It is not simply a religious sensibility that should lead us to our position, but a position deeply rooted in natural law, common sense, and what is best for children.

Traditional marriage should be encouraged in every way, and becoming more fuzzy about what marriage is, or defining it down does not help our culture esteem traditional marriage. Traditional marriage has pride of place since it is focused on raising the next generation and is critical to that essential function of our society.

There is much talk today about the rights of people to do as they please, and so-called gay “marriage” is presented in this framework. But sadly, many who discuss rights, only refer to adults and seem to care less about what is really best for children. What is good, and right for children, needs to have a much higher priority in our culture today than it currently does.

Jesus reemphasizes the teaching on marriage by bringing a young child before them and telling them not to hinder the children. One of the clearest ways we hinder children from finding their way to God and to his kingdom, is with our own bad behavior. Bad behavior such as: promiscuous sexual acts that endanger children through abortion and single parenthood, bad behavior such as divorce which leaves children in divided predicaments and confused loyalties, bad behaviors such as homosexual insistence on adult rights above what is best for children. To all of this bad behavior Jesus presents a young child to us and says, “do not hinder them.” And our bad behavior hinders them.

V. Reassurance–to be sure, this teaching about marriage is, to a certain degree, “heavy weather.” Indeed, many in our culture have tried, and failed to attain to the vision of marriage which the Lord teaches today. There are complicated reasons, too many to note here, as to why people struggle to live this teaching today.

But whatever our own failures have been, we need to go to the Lord with a childlike trust, a trust that cries out for help. Thus, Jesus says at the conclusion of today’s gospel, Amen and I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God, like a child, will not enter it.

It pertains to children, often to feel overwhelmed, but in the midst of that, to run to their parents and seek help. It is in this spirit, that the Lord asked us to receive this teaching. Indeed, many of us may well have to run, and say “Abba, God, I don’t know how to live this teaching. My marriage is in ruins, and I don’t know how to save it. I’ve tried, but my spouse is unwilling. I can’t go back and undo what I did years ago.”

But note, how the Lord embraces the child in this gospel, and he is willing to embrace us as well, in our failures, and our difficulties. If we have failed, we should be like a young child and run to the Father. What we should most avoid is to be relentlessly adult, dig in our heels and say, “God is unreasonable, the gospel is unreasonable!”

In the end, only God can accomplish strong marriages and strong families for us. We must run to him as a Father, and seek his help. If we have failed, we must not fail to tell the next generation what God teaches, even if we have not been able to live it perfectly.

God’s plan still remains his plan for everyone, whatever our personal failings. We have every obligation to run to him and trust, and to ask his help, but even in the midst of personal failures, we can and must announce and celebrate the truth for others. In the end, God does not give us his teaching to burden us, or accuse us, but rather, to bless us. Our assurance must be, in his mercy and his capacity to write straight, even with the crooked lines of our lives.

If we in this generation have failed, and many of us have failed in this generation, we must still announce God’s plan for marriage to the next generation, we must not cease to hand on God’s perfect plan.

In the end, it takes a miracle, but God is still in the miracle working business, the miracle of marriage.

Photo Credit: Spiering Photography www.spieringphotography.com The couple pictured here are the Archduke Imre and Archduchess Kathleen of Austria who recently wed here in DC. A fine Catholic couple who seriously prepared for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and are possessed of devout faith which will surely help them embrace the miracle of marriage.

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In Praise of Books – A Commentary on a Recent Award-winning Video

There is something about books, something wonderful, something mysterious. We have somehow symbolized reality by a miracle we call language. And one of the most precious and enduring form of language is the written word. Where did we ever think to denote our sounds with the lines and angles and curves we call letters. And where did we think to combine them endlessly into words, phrases a sentences, paragraphs, chapters, books, and libraries. Yet here you and I are now, mysteriously connected through this medium called language and the written word. Somehow these shapes on the screen symbolize reality and light up our mind.

There is an old saying, “Paper has perfect recall.” And thus, even as language and culture change, our books have held a kind of lasting memory of human thought and creativity. Even when living humans forget, books can remain on a shelf, only to be rediscovered many years later. People are forgetful, but paper has perfect recall.

Thank God the Jewish people and the early apostles and disciples carefully recorded what Jesus said and did, indeed, what God had done for thousands of years. Their paper and parchments have perfect recall and left us a careful accounting of what God said and did more lasting than mere human memory.

In this electronic age, I fear one day a terrible magnetic event or nuclear pulse will wipe clean the cyber space in which we currently write. I have sought to treasure what I write by making physical copies of it on CD and even printouts, for too frequently today, we write on what amounts to thin air. What of our electronic and virtual age will remain if (and when) that terrible magnetic event sweeps away most of what we generate today in the virtual (i.e. not quite real) word of cyber space (i.e. thin air)?? Much could well vanish if the event is global.

But our books may well remain. Yes, paper has perfect recall.

I thought of all this when seeing the video below. A young man sits writing and reading, quite enchanted. And suddenly a great storm sweeps everything away. Even the page he is looking at goes blank; all swept away in an instant.

In the aftermath of the storm he beholds a barren landscape, ruined and gray, all color gone.

But suddenly on the wind comes a beautiful woman, borne aloft by books, like so many balloons. She has vivid color and smiles and she tosses him a book. Yes, though most is gone, there are still the books.

And as he takes up the book, he regains his color and is led to a library of books. The world is once again enchanted, musical, colorful and creative. And he sets to preserving the books and dispensing them to sad souls, gray and dull, who come by the library. Taking the books, they regain their color.

Yes, there is just something about books. Paper has perfect recall. Be careful about converting too many things to electronic form. At least keep the important stuff physically etched to a CD-R or other physical format. The thrilling book One Second After details how our virtual world could collapse in an instant by way of a pulse bomb.

Enjoy this video which has a similar message, and reminds that books are wonderful things and that paper has perfect recall.

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Things we can learn from Dogs

Today for the feast of St. Francis of Assisi and, like many parishes, we conducted a blessing of the animals. Over 80 neighbors brought their pets (mostly dogs) by for a blessing this evening. To each of them I passed out a little list of things we can learn from dogs. The list that appears below.

Scripture says little about dogs and when it does it is never flattering. Most of the references make one think of wild dogs who ran in packs. Psalm 22:16 says, “Many dogs have surrounded me, a pack of evildoers closes in upon me. Or again from Philippians 3:2, Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers. No, strangely, I cannot find one Scripture that speaks well of dogs.

And yet, they have been a great gift to me. Such loyalty, such unconditional “love.” There may have been times in my life when everyone was disgusted with me, even I was disgusted with me. But even on days like that my dog would still run to great me, and curl up next to me; such wonderful, “forgiving” and uncomplicated creatures.

Dogs, generally speaking, have a great outlook on life. This list is an oldie on the internet but, if you haven’t read it, it is really rather instructive. Dogs DO have a lot to teach us. God teaches us not only out of the Bible but in creation. In that spirit here are

Fifteen Things We can Learn from Dogs:

  • 1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
  • 2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
  • 3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
  • 4. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
  • 5. Take naps and stretch before rising.
  • 6. Run, romp, and play daily.
  • 7. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
  • 8. Be loyal.
  • 9. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
  • 10. When someone is having a bad day, be silent. Sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
  • 11. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
  • 12. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
  • 13. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
  • 14. No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…. run right back and make friends
  • 15. Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.

And here is one of the most amazing videos I have ever seen. It’s about “Faith the two legged dog”:

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Are You Smarter than a Fifth-Grader?

Archdiocese of Washington: Year of Faith series

Written by:

Dominican Brothers of the Province of St. Joseph

Children love to ask questions.  “Are angels real?”  “Who was Jesus’ daddy?”  “Did Jesus have a doggie?”

I once heard a mother ask her daughter, “Where does God live?”  The little girl immediately reached up with her left arm like she was trying to grab her favorite toy from the top of the refrigerator and pointed straight up to the sky.

Children have great faith.  They are curious about the world, and when you tell them a little bit, they want to know more.

Children also have a great sense of wonder.

I remember the day a fifth grader ran up to me at school, pulled me aside, and wanted to ask me about angels, with a glow in his eye.  We talked for five minutes, but I was on my way that same day to visit an eighth grade classroom.

The response from the eighth graders was very different.  Let’s just say a bit of that childlike wonder had dimmed.  Those eighth graders had already learned how to be tough, and they were surely skeptical.  When I asked how many of them believed in angels, one girl – only one – raised her hand.

Children grow up quickly these days.  Our faith sometimes grows tired and weak as we get older.

We don’t remain children forever.  But, what happens to our faith?  Are we stuck thinking that faith is just a childhood memory?

Have you ever wanted – once again – that same glow you see on a child’s face?

Try this: ask those same questions children ask.

For one year, beginning next week, we’ll help you ask a weekly question.  The questions will be the exact same questions grade-school students are asked in Catechism class.  We’ve taken them directly from the yearly assessments given to second through eighth graders in the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C.

We are calling the series, “Are You Smarter than a Fifth-Grader?”  Let’s see if you can pass the test!

That’s not all.  After you have had a chance to think about the question, we will follow-up with a short, relevant, and hopefully insightful reflection to go along with the answer.

Whether you know it or not, next week begins the Year of Faith, called for by Pope Benedict XVI.  To help celebrate the Year of Faith, the Archdiocese of Washington has asked three young Dominicans – members of the Order of Preachers – to give a weekly series that reflects on the wonderful truth of our faith.

The Order of Preachers was founded 800 years ago by Saint Dominic to help others come to understand the truth of our Catholic Faith and to pass that understanding on to the people of God, so that we all might grow in love for the source of that truth.  While there may not be a written portion on the entrance exam for heaven, a greater knowledge of the faith can only draw us closer to Jesus Christ, who is both the source and the goal of our happiness.

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People need People, as seen at the Beach

I spent a few days at the beach this week with five other priests, thanks to the loan of a house from some very generous lay people. In Washington we speak of going to the beach. But in nearby Baltimore they “We’re goin’ down-e-ocean.” In think in Jersey they speak of going to the shore, as in Jersey shore. At any rate, thank God for a restful time, lots of long walks along the shoreline, interesting discussions and good food. In fact, according to the Scripture story of the Road to Emmaus, Walking, talking and dining, is an image for the Kingdom.

Just a brief thought that occurred to me today as I walked, along the water, this time alone. I began my walk, right in the center of Bethany Beach Delaware, just down from the center of the boardwalk. The beach we rather crowded, lots of people, chairs, umbrellas, kids running back and forth into the water.

As I headed north walking right on the littoral (where water meets land), I noticed the crowd thinned out quite quickly, so that, within a hundred yards of where the boardwalk ended the beach became quite empty, just a few folks here and there.

Why, I wondered did people huddle together so? It would seem that people would prefer to spread out a little, would want privacy, and might be willing to walk a little to get that space and privacy. Instead, they huddled together in a crowded eight block area of beach along the Bethany Boardwalk.

It occurred to me, that despite out often expressed need for spaciousness and privacy, this image of people huddling together had important lessons to teach.

The chief and uniting lesson is that ultimately people need people. Huddling close together meant that there were others to provide not only company but also safety. There were plenty of life guards, and if any trouble arose, plenty of people nearby to help. Where there are people, there are also many conveniences near at hand. There were food vendors up on the nearby boardwalk and also those selling beach gear. There was a free town Internet signal in the air. Public Bathrooms were also nearby as were as was a safety station and police presence. A lot of kids, who had just met that day, were also playing together and teaching each other to surf, ride boogie boards or build sand castles.

A simple lesson really but somehow beautifully painted for me at Bethany Beach, people need people. People benefit from other people. People take care of people and provide necessary services, protection and company. Space and solitude have their place, but it really is more our instinct, even in this wide open country to huddle together in cities. For all our complaints about crowds, in the end it’s good to have other people in good numbers close at hand.

It was all a painting of what Scripture says: Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:11).

Beach Baby from Tom Stillwell on Vimeo.

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Are you really ready for the coming of the Lord?

Every now and then I hear of my fellow Christians, my Catholic brethren among them, speaking with great conviction that the Lord may be coming soon, or at least that he will bring a great chastisement upon the world. There is almost a longing for this to occur.

Such a longing is not without biblical precedent. Indeed, the closing words of the New Testament, an hence the whole Bible are these:

“I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.” The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!” Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life….He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen. (Rev 22:16-21)

Hence there is an eagerness for Christ’s return. This eagerness is also expressed in the Church’s liturgy in the “embolism” of the Pater Noster:

Deliver us, Lord, we pray, from every evil, graciously grant peace in our days, that, by the help of your mercy, we may be always free from sin and safe from all distress, as we await the blessed hope and the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Yes, there is an appropriate eagerness for the Lord’s second coming.

However, there is also a context for that eagerness that we ought not forget. The context is one of repentance and humility, a context of our need to be purified and delivered from sin to be ready for the “Great and Terrible day of the Lord.”

The words of Revelation uttered above occur only after a period of intense purification for the Church expressed in chapter after chapter of purgative sufferings and persecutions experienced by the faithful. And the embolism of the Our Father utters our hope only after mentioning our need for mercy and the grace to be kept always free from sin.

Hence our eagerness for the coming of the Lord ought to framed in great humility, beseeching a prevenient grace of mercy not only upon us, but on the whole world, a grace of readiness for ourselves and all the world before the Lord comes.

The danger to be avoided in our zeal for the Lord’s coming, is a triumphalist notion of “Lord give this world the punishment it deserves.” For in asking God to crush the wicked, we ought not too easily presume we are not among those who will get stomped. God is very Holy and the Lord’s second coming, or even his coming upon the world in “mere” chastisement, might not necessarily include us in his inner circle of the blessed, no matter how highly we think of ourselves. Again, God is very holy, and we have many reasons to not to be too eager to usher in the Great and Terrible Day of the Lord. The prophet Amos warns us in this regard:

Woe to you who long for the day of the Lord! Why do you long for the day of the Lord? That day will be darkness, not light. It will be as though a man fled from a lion only to meet a bear, as though he entered his house and rested his hand on the wall only to have a snake bite him. Will not the day of the Lord be darkness, not light— pitch-dark, without a ray of brightness?

Therefore this is what the Lord, the Lord God Almighty, says: “There will be wailing in all the streets and cries of anguish in every public square. The farmers will be summoned to weep and the mourners to wail. There will be wailing in all the vineyards, for I will pass through your midst,” says the Lord. The Day of the Lord. (Amos 5:16-20)

This text ought not be seen to cancel the Christian longing for Christ’s return, but, rather, to frame it carefully in the context of repentance and the need for God’s saving grace to “deliver us from the wrath to come.” (cf 1 Thess 1:10).

No room for triumphalism here, only pleas: “For the sake of thy sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!” Yes, Lord, do come! But please prepare us for that great and terrible day, that day of awe. What shall I frail man be pleading? Who for me be interceding? When the just are mercy needing! Righteous judge for sin’s pollution, Grant thy gift of absolution, Before the day of retribution. Yes, any call to usher in the Great and Terrible Day of the Lord, should be made in great humility, in a spirit of repentance and recognition of the need for great mercy and grace to precede it. Otherwise, who can be saved? In this light the Second Letter of Peter gives us good advice in this regard:

[The Lord] is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed it coming. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him….Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. (2 Peter 3:6-18)

Yes, do come Lord! Maranatha! But unto that very day Lord, pour forth your mercy and love, send forth your call unto the ends of the earth. Save us from the pride that forgets we need your mercy every day, even as do our enemies and those who have rejected you. Bring all to conversion Lord, and establish us in on-going conversion. For the sake of your sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. Maranatha!

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A Warning from the Lord to Priests, and a request for prayers

The first reading from Wednesday of this week is a significant admonition for priests. Permit in this post for one priest to wonder aloud how this warning from the Lord might apply to us who are priests and shepherds today.

For you who read, who listening to the wonderings of one priest, please pray for priests, for we who have received much will also have much for which to account.

The passage from Ezekiel 34 is in bold blue, italic text, my own reflections are in plain black and bold  text.

The word of the Lord came to me: Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel, in these words prophesy to them to the shepherds: Thus says the Lord GOD: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who have been pasturing themselves! Should not shepherds, rather, pasture sheep? You have fed off their milk, worn their wool, and slaughtered the fatlings, but the sheep you have not pastured.

We who are priests owe a great deal to our people. They take great care of us, giving us a place to live, food, a salary, health insurance, retirement plans, and other benefits. They also pray for us and are supportive of so many parish activities we depend on and benefit from. Yes, they are so very good to us.

We who are priests therefore must surely be willing to serve them with love and devotion. And, while there are human limits to what we can do, and while it is important to get proper rest etc., we ought to embrace the truth of offering our lives in sacrificial love and service for them. In the Old Testament the priest and the victim (e.g. a lamb) were distinct. But in the New Testament, the priest and the victim are one in the same, for Jesus, our High Priest offered the sacrifice of his very self. And we who act in his person must also learn to offer ourselves sacrificially to our people.

Cardinal McCarrick, my Archbishop for six years, used to tell us priests, “If you don’t routinely go to bed tired, something is wrong.” It was his way of telling us to work hard for our people, and he often reminded us of the difficult lives they led.

So also,  in this admonition the Lord, through Ezekiel warns his priests, and shepherds not merely to live off the people, not to use them, but to live for them; to give them a shepherd’s care, loving attention, the protection of prayer, the Sacraments, and the truth of God’s word. The Lord does not say the shepherds have no needs. They do indeed need the wool, milk and food the sheep can give, just as we priests need our people’s support. But in the end, we receive these gifts not for ourselves or as an end in themselves. But rather we receive them so as to be able to better serve our people.

Woe to priests who life selfishly off our people rather than sacrificially for them. Most priests I know work hard and do live this, but woe to those of us who fall back from our duties and look more to ourselves than to our people.

You did not strengthen the weak nor heal the sick nor bind up the injured.

Surely priests do at times tend to the physical weaknesses and illness of our people. But more usually our is a ministry to those who are spiritually weak, and injured by sins, whether their own, or the sins of others who have hurt them. How essential for us to lovingly reach out to those who are hurt, those who struggle with sin and the weaknesses due to sin and temptation.

Sacramental confession ought to be generously and conveniently supplied to God’s people. Early in my first pastorate I realized that the traditional Saturday afternoon confession time, was inconvenient for my people. So I instituted a policy of hearing confessions for a half an hour before every scheduled weekend Mass. Many other priests do the same. It is sometimes a burden on a Sunday to rush from Sunday school to confessions, and then right into the next Mass, but God’s people have wounds that need binding and the medicine of the sacraments.

Counseling and spiritual direction is also needed. Thank God I have a good staff that effectively manage the business and administrative details of parish life. This enables me to do a lot of counseling and spiritual direction for people each day.

But God’s people need care and we who are priests and shepherd ought to do everything we can to become more available and effective in healing the spiritual sickness of sin and helping to bind the wounds of those hurt by the human struggle with sin.

We do this first by seriously tending to our own wounds and submitting our own weakness and sin to others, (our spiritual directors and confessors) for healing. And, as we gain skill in self understanding and make our own journey, we can help others.

We must also do this by preaching charitably but clearly about the reality of sin and the need to repent. Many many Catholics are critical that their pulpits have been “silent” for years on many critical moral topics and that little moral guidance is given God’s people by the clergy. Hence we must commit to speaking the truth in love about sin, morality and the need for repentance. Otherwise we are likened to the absurdity of a doctor who never mentions disease and who merely shrugs when clearly sick people seek his help as to how to get better.

Woe to us if we are too busy to bind the wounds of sinners and bring healing love to those who struggle. We are like the pharisees of Old who simply wrote off “sinners” as the great unwashed. Jesus welcomed and ate with sinners. Yes, woe is us if we fall short in reaching out to sinners. Some of the Lord’s most severe warnings were reserved for the pharisees and other religious leaders who scorned sinners but little or nothing to teach them, help them or bind their wounds.

You did not bring back the strayed nor seek the lost....

It seems clear that most Catholics today are strayed and lost. on 27% come to Mass at all, and even among them there are those who stray and have been deceived by the world, who have lost their way.

One of the greatest struggles of the modern priest is to know how or what to do with the overwhelming number of strayed and lost Catholics. Too many Catholic parishes have an evangelization program little better than opening the doors and hoping people come. We have to do better. We have to actively seek the lost and straying and call them home.

Yet, often overwhelmed with parish tasks and fewer in number, priests struggle to find the time for active and personal evangelization. Yet some things help:

– Wearing clerical attire when away from the parish, shopping, traveling, etc., and being approachable to those who seek answers and attention.

– Using opportunities like funerals and weddings (where many unchurched, and lapsed Catholics are in attendance) to call people home and to invite and summon them to a closer walk with God.

– Taking walks in the neighborhood and local park to greet people and engage them.

– Asking help from parishioners to specifically ask fallen away family members, to attend instruction programs and to return to Church.

–Asking group leaders to specifically reach out to members of their particular group who may have drifted, to return.

– Priests should also actively teach and engage his people in how to be better evangelizers. In the end, shepherds don’t have sheep, sheep have sheep.

But, however we do it, we priests must bring back the strayed and lost.

So they were scattered for the lack of a shepherd, and became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered and wandered over all the mountains and high hills; my sheep were scattered over the whole earth, with no one to look after them or to search for them.

I shudder to think of the immense losses the Church has suffered on the watch of we priests who live today. The flock is surely scattered. And while it is true that huge cultural waves have swept through western world and brought devastation, we who are leaders of God’s flock cannot escape any blame. The flock has been scattered on our watch. Vast numbers of our people have been deceived by innumerable errors and too often we have been silent, or, at best, an uncertain trumpet. Often our silence has been due to concerns with remaining popular and accepted. At other times it has been simple laziness in studying the cultural problems and developing a coherent and courageous response to errors. At still other times, it has been our own sin that has blinded us and caused uncertainty, even a cynicism toward the Scriptures and Church teachings.

Whatever the causes, cultural, or clerical, we who are leaders cannot escape significant responsibility for the lost and scattered quality of God’s people today. And neither can we blame the previous generation. We just have to get to work and trust that God will bless us.

I will save my sheep, ….For thus says the Lord GOD: I myself will look after and tend my sheep.

And in this is our sole hope, that despite every human weakness of priests, parents, educators and all Church leadership, the Lord God alone can overcome all this and will ultimately bring to perfection the flock who follow him in faith. And we who are priests, who feel so often overwhelmed, do well to remember that the Lord is the ultimate and true shepherd who can overcome our weakness and supply what is lacking. None of this excuses our laxity, it only shows God’s grace and mercy in spite of it.

Disclaimer: most brother priests I know are good, hardworking men. But it is also true that none of us are perfect men and the admonitions of this passage challenge all of us somehow.

Please pray for priests. Much has been given to us and much is rightly expected. Pray, pray, pray.

This video has a song that may not exactly fit for this sort of reflection, but the footage from Fishers of Men shows good priests in action:

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How to handle a woman

When I speak on marriage or do marriage preparation work, I sometimes get accused of being tough on men. I plead guilty, with an explanation, or two.

First of all I am a man and it’s just easier for me to speak firmly  to men. I tend to be more polite with women.

Secondly, I think most men are encouraged when they are summoned to duty. A lot of men I have talked to are a bit sick of all the hand holding that goes on in Church, literally and figuratively. Most men I know are more interested in hearing of their duty and being summoned to it in a manly way. (However, I must say I have experienced some very definite exceptions to this rule. Some men especially react with great bitterness that I do not better articulate women’s shortcomings when it comes to marriage. I suspect there is a personal dimension to this story).

Finally, I believe in male headship when it comes to marriage. Some call me old fashioned, some call me misogynist. I just prefer to call myself  “biblical”  (Eph 5:19ff; Col 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1). But headship in the Scripture means responsibility rather than privilege. Hence the husband has the first obligation to love, to sacrifice, to anticipate and fulfill the needs of his wife and children. So yes, I am tough on men.

In that vein allow me a moment to extend some old advice to men, especially those who are husbands. Women are surely invited to listen in and to apply some of this to themselves too! For although men have the first obligation, women are not thereby passive or without duty in this regard.

And here is the central question for a man: “How to handle a woman?” An old song from Camelot answers the question well, and biblically I might add:

How to handle a woman? There’s a way,” said the wise old man, “A way known by every woman Since the whole rigmarole began.” “Do I flatter her?” I begged him answer. “Do I threaten or cajole or plead? Do I brood or play the gay romancer?” Said he, smiling: “No indeed. How to handle a woman? Mark me well, I will tell you, sir: The way to handle a woman Is to love her…simply love her… Merely love her…love her…love her.”

Alright men, It’s not that complicated is it? Love her. Simply love her, love her!

In marriage counseling I will sometimes ask the husband privately, Do you love your wife…Honestly now, do you really love her? The answer is not always obvious. Many people confuse mere toleration with love.  Because I put up with you means I must love you, somehow.

But my question goes deeper: Do you have a deep affection, a warmth, a compassion and desire for your wife? Do you like her? Some of the men who are more  honest with themselves realize that many of these qualities are no longer operative and that, at best, they have a tense toleration for their wife. And there are often protests as well:  Father, you don’t know how my wife can be!….She’s hard to love. (Actually I do have some idea. We priests are not mere bachelors and we too are called to love some people who are difficult to love). Love remains the answer. And so I inevitably invite the husband to pray for a miracle:

When you go home, get on your knees and pray for the miracle to really love your wife. Pray for the miracle of a tender and humble heart that will love her with a deep, abiding, compassionate, and passionate love. Pray to love her unconditionally, not because she deserves it, or has earned it, not because she feeds you or sleeps with you. Pray to love her “for no good reason.” Ask God to give you the same love he has for you. You and I are not easy to love, we have not earned God’s love and don’t really deserve it. But God loves us still the same. Yes, pray for a miracle. Your flesh may  think of 50 reasons to be resentful and unloving  toward your wife. Pray for the miracle to love her any way, deeply and truly. Pray for a new heart, filled with God’s love.

In the end, the only way to “handle” a woman is to love her.

I can hear the fear talking as well: Are you saying I should be a doormat? No, love speaks the truth and insists upon it. But only love can distinguish between respect for the truth and mere power struggle. Only love can distinguish properly between reverence for the good of the other and merely insisting on my own preferences. Love can speak the truth but it does so with love.

As a priest I have found that the more I love my people the better equipped I am to lead them to the truth. And when they know and experience that I love them, there is trust and they can better accept the truth I am summoned to preach. But it is love that opens the door.

Advice to husbands, How to handle a woman? Love her.

In case you’ve never heard the song from Camelot here it is:

Now, you will say, “Camelot ended badly.” Yes, but in the end we do not love merely with good results in mind, we love unconditionally, as God does. God loves because God is love and that’s what Love does, He loves. And so to for us, called to be possessed of God’s love, we love. We risk  to love. The Lord was killed for the love he had for us. We do not love merely to get something from it, we simply love. Others may accept or refuse our love, but as for us we love. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him (1 John 4:16).

Simply love her, love her, love her.

Here’s another video clip that says it better than I. This is clip from the movie “Fireproof” wherein a husband struggles to love his wife. This scene is the turning point of the move, the breakthrough: