Fix it or Forget it – It cannot be underestimated how important the family is for the very existence of society and civilization. The widespread breakdown of the family in our own time already shows the grave results that flow from such a breakdown. Can our civilization be secure or stable if such a breakdown is allowed to continue? The importance of the family for the life and well-being of society entails a particular responsibility for society to support and strengthen marriage and the family. Authority, stability, and a life of relationships within the family constitute the foundations for freedom, security, and fraternity within society. The family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honor God, and make good use of freedom. Civil authority should consider it a grave duty to acknowledge the true nature of marriage and the family, to protect and foster them, to safeguard public morality, and promote domestic prosperity. (Catechism 2207, 2210)
The Fourth Commandment is Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you. (Ex 20:12)
Lack of Respect – One of the Key maladies of our day is a lack of respect of the young toward their elders. I remember when I was young that my Father would not allow us to watch the Flintstones. He banned it because he said that it made adults look stupid (it did) and that viewing it would not help us children to respect our elders. Children today of course are expose to much worse. A regular theme of sitcoms is that children run the show and parents and adults are all a bunch of idiots. Music from the 1960s on has produced a steady diet of anti-authoritarian themes which question and undermine the wisdom of elders and the past. Many children today are bold toward their parents, teachers and other elders. They often act as though they were speaking to a peer or an equal. Much of this comes from a culture that has largely jettisoned the insights of the 4th Commandment.
Reverence or Ruin: One of the most essential fruits of the fourth commandment is to instill respect. Respect is essential for there to be teaching. For if a child does not respect his elders, how can he learn from them? If he cannot respect, he cannot learn. And if he cannot learn then the wisdom of the past including the faith, cannot be communicated to him. And if the these cannot be communicated to him, he is doomed to error-ridden and misguided life fraught with foolish decisions. When this happens broadly in a society to children in general, (as it has in ours), civilization itself is threatened as whole generations loose the wisdom of the past and are condemned to repeat major errors and take up behaviors long ago abandoned as unwise and destructive. Without heartfelt reverence being instilled we are doomed to continue seeing an erosion in the good order and the collected wisdom necessary to sustain any civilization.
But reverence must be instilled. It must be insisted upon and their should be consequences for rejecting its demands. Too many parents today do not command respect. They speak of wanting their children to be their friends. But children have plenty of friends. What they need are parents, parents who are strong and secure, firm in their guidance, loving and consistent in their discipline, and not easily swayed by the unreasonable protests of children. No one will follow and uncertain trumpet and children need firm, clear and certain direction. If we want children to rediscover respect for their elders then we must insist upon it and command it of them.
What are some of the implications of the 4th commandment? The Catechism is actually quite thorough in describing them in Paragraph #s 2214-2220:
The Origin of respect – Respect for parents derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love, and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?” (Sirach 7:27-28)
Honor and care in old age – The fourth commandment also reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. “Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.”(Sir. 3:2-6).
Wider family implications – The fourth commandment also promotes harmony in all of family life; it thus concerns relationships between brothers and sisters. Finally, a special gratitude is due to those from whom they have received the gift of faith, the grace of Baptism, and life in the Church. These may include parents, grandparents, other members of the family, pastors, catechists, and other teachers or friends.
Societal Implications – The fourth commandment is addressed expressly to children in their relationship to their father and mother, because this relationship is the most universal. [But] It likewise concerns the ties of kinship between members of the extended family. It requires honor, affection, and gratitude toward elders and ancestors. Finally, it extends to the duties of pupils to teachers, employees to employers, subordinates to leaders, citizens to their country, and to those who administer or govern it. (Catechism # 2199)
Another important key in instilling respect is for those in authority to be “respectable.” Parents and all those in authority have obligations and duties that flow from their status. To overlook or ignore these obligations places significant burdens upon children, subordinates, and others. This in turn can lead to bewilderment and contributes to an undermining of the respect and honor which ought ordinarily be paid parents, elders and those in authority. Thus, while parents and lawful authorities ought to be respected it is also true to say that they must conduct themselves in a manner that is respectable and observe their duties with care. What are some of these duties? The Catechism of the Catholic Church gives a fine summary of them and the text is largely reproduced here.
The duties of parents – Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, they educate their children to fulfill God’s law…They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service…self-denial, sound judgment, and self- mastery are learned…Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them…Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies…parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the “first heralds” for their children. They should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church…Parents’ respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators. (Catechism 2221-2231).
The 4th Commandment gives clear guidance and warns, it is either reverence or there will be ruin.
Here’s a quirky little video from 1950. It’s rather hokey to modern cynics, yet it’s a neat glimpse from the past, idealized to be sure, but the basic message is great.
St. Polycarp, please pray for us.
Great post Msgr. Pope….Thanks
I love those old Coronet films. This one is a gem!!
Why is the Protestant 4th Commandment “Remember the Sabbath Day” and “Honor your father and mother” is the 5th Commandment instead of 4th?
? fourth commandment is the same for Lutherans as it is for Catholics
http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/wittenberg/luther/catechism/web/cat-06.html
I recall reading in Love and Responsibility, the author, Karol Wojtyla (aka Bless John Paul II) said that once a family has three children, the children form their own society. I recall that the idea was that this is one way that children learn to live in society. I think that is a neat idea.
The Flintstones? I watched them as a kid, and it never occurred to me that the adults were being made to look stupid.
The only kids in the show were Pebbles and Bam-Bam, and I never saw much of them!
BANNED from the Flintstones! Seriously alert father! You were blessed and now a Monsignor. Your parents participated WITH GOD and now have a God fearing son to lead others to HEAVEN HOME! God bless them! Awesome!
Parents today contracept and treat children as options only allowed when convenient. Children seem to merely be returning the favor. For old age we have social security and medicare so they don’t need pious children, just a direct deposit account. The children ‘contribute’ to social security – just as voluntary as the hhs mandate. The government imposed/forced duty substitutes for the commandment.
Listen ‘tz’, the meek shall inherit the earth. My best guess is that we in the US cannot sustain the debt, which means we can’t. Sustain the lifestyle. So much like the values of contraception and aborting, and all the other stuff, it is built on the same fumes as debt. And it will similarly come crashing down when no one can afford the lifestyle. It will hurt us all, sadly. But in the end God sometimes helpes us by removing the conveniences we didn’t use to get closer to him, but used to inflate our importance and grow distant.
Largely good post. We adopted our daughter at age four. I don’t think my wife and I ever had to command respect so much as expect it. But a lot of parents are intimidated by their kids, and have gotten into bad patterns.
Count me a skeptic on parents/kids today are so much worse than fifty, eighty, a hundred years ago. My parents told me routine stories of abuse. Their parents were working as pre-teens for industrial masters. Every age has its own challenges. We should keep nose to grindstone on ours and neglect comparisons to some golden age. Since Eden, there’s never been such a thing.
Once again Todd you engage in all or nothing thinking. To observe that some previous era had good things is not a wholsesale endorsement as you think. Neither is it to pronounce it as a golden age
I don’t think so.
You make many laudable points in your post. We are not friends to our children–we are parents. Family harmony and order contribute to the fruitfulness of the community. Citation of the biblical foundations of the Christian notion of family.
In fact, the only serious point with which I disagree is this one:
“The widespread breakdown of the family in our own time already shows the grave results that flow from such a breakdown. Can our civilization be secure or stable if such a breakdown is allowed to continue?”
It would be my premise that one cannot prove or disprove this statement. There are some shifting elements in sociology, psychology, and culture that are better for the family today, and some that are worse. I would agree that there are dangers today not faced a generation or two ago. But there are also some triumphs of which we shouldn’t lose track.
Comparing our lot as better or worse than a previous time is a waste of effort. There are matters of choice that we can urge to strengthen the family: adopting the half-million American children in the foster care system, parishes offering workshops on parenting skills, promoting Marriage Encounter and Retrouvaille. We should focus on the right balance of action and prayer, and avoid the handwringing and moralizing.
All or nothing thinking? Hardly. I’m suggestion a refinement in the message. Nothing more.
Your premise is 90 percent fantasy. For every thing better you can note there are nine things worse
not related to the post, but in honor of the old testament reading for today, in which Elijah is swept into heaven
Mendelsson Elijah #36: go return upon thy way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT2f-HbRXZA
#37: for the mountains shall depart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNb47TQB_VI&feature=relmfu
#38 then did Elijah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSm8vrb_SR0
#39; then shall the righteous shine forth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J113gBKVK3Q
#42 o come everyone that thirsteth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjDshumJXk0&feature=related
#43 and then shall your light break forth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeriB6H8bF0
It seems to me that, contrary to your first sentence, the importance of the family cannot be overestimated. It is underestimated all the time.
How do you read brethren?
Exodus Chapter 20:1-17
1 And God spake all these words, saying,
2 I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15 Thou shalt not steal.
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.
According to my Bible, and I want to believe yours too, the fourth commandment is and I quote Exodus 20:8-11 “8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.”
How then did the 5th commandment become the fourth? The only reason is that you omitted one of the first three commandments to bring down the 5th commandment to 4th. and looking at the catechism, you omitted the second commandment, why? because it talks about graven images which are plenty in every church starting with the graven image of Jesus on the cross. then you split the 10th commandment into two to make a total 0f 10 commandments.
Just why would someone do that?
Are the commandments not God’s?
The commandments are Biblical and are neither for Jew or Gentile, Protestant or Catholic.
Unless you want to tell me that God in giving Moses the Commandments also gave a provision for amendments.
Or did Moses sneak in the 2nd Commandment and the Church decided to expunge it?
My Bible says in Isaiah 8:20
King James Version (KJV)
20 To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.
Does yours read the same.
Well, the numeration of the Commandments between some Protestants on the one hand and Catholics and Orthodox on the other is not a difference in Content, just in numeration. Further the Protestant numeration is new among certain Christian sects and not in keeping with Christian antiquity and seems tied up in some sort of fascination by certain Protestants (not all) of the Palestinian canon and suspicion of the Jewish diaspora which used the Septuagint and spoke Greek, rather than Aramaic. But the early Christians used the Septuagint and this influenced the numeration (again, not the content) of the commandments. Hence, the First Commandment for Catholics (and for Christian antiquity) is: I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. And each of these aspects is dealt with in the Catechism. I suspect your bugaboo is that “graven image” doesn’t get its own commandment, but is, in our numeration part of the first commandment. But that does not change the fact that Catholics, orthodox Lutherans et al. are just as forbidden as anyone to make idols and worship them. I suspect you think any statue is an idol. But that is not what we think and we surely don’t worship statutes (they can’t hear, they’re only plaster or stone!). They simply remind us of the Lord, the saints and heroes of our faith much as the pictures in your wallet of your family remind you of them. At any rate, you are wrong to imply we have set aside a commandment and that we are thus in darkness.
Lord have mercy!
Nicole
Author of Jesus Loves Everybody: Especially Me
http://www.facebook.com/jesusloveseverybodyseries
The Bible teaches us to honor our father and mother. But there seems to be an issue with this article as to why we honor our parents- the issue with ‘authority’. The reason the Bible tells us to honor our parents is not because parents are to have dominion over their children but because parents are to love their children and children honor and obey them out of love and need for knowledge. “They often act as though they were speaking to a peer or an equal.” It is true that parents and children should not treat each others as friends but parents are supposed to teach their children respect and respect requires treating others as equals. It is not about teaching respect for ‘authority’ but about teaching respect to everyone. Respect isn’t partial. As to wider societal implications with respect there are no subordinates and superiors. The Bible teaches that we are not to exercise authority over others but to serve each other.